Backstabbed
by Darkness Eclipsed
Summary: In all of my hopes and all of my dreams, nothing's as real as it really seems." AU involving the cast of both RK & Inu Yasha, sets the characters as highschool students all wishing to go to a rock concert. (PG for mild language and dialogue)
1. Prologue: Students of Feldspar High

Backstabbed: A Rurouni Kenshin - Inu Yasha cross-over fic.  
  
Author's notes: This will be a bizarre fic, to say the least. It's going to center mostly on the Kenshin characters, I think. Not really sure yet, but I'm hoping it will be more of a RK fic than an IY fic. I just wanted to toss the characters together and see what happened.  
  
Kerri Mortisen is a character based on me. Yes, I borrowed her last name from Viggo (It sounded like a good name for a brooding, angst-ridden person). No, my name is not really Kerri.  
  
Yes, the City of Feldspar and Feldspar High School are named after a rock. That was the first thing that came to me while thinking of a name for FHS.  
  
Since parts of this fic revolve around Sweet Chaos' brother's band, Random, the title of the fic, Backstabbed, is also the name of one of their songs. Any lyrics I may include are copyright © 2003 by the Random Band and not to be used without permission.  
  
Last but not least, I have no intention of claiming RK and IY characters as my own, so don't think I am.  
  
Read it and enjoy!  
-Darkness Eclipsed  
  
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"Aaahhhh! Check it out! Check It Out! CHECK IT OUT!"   
  
"What? Lemme see?"   
  
Kerri brushed down the hall, ignoring the excited squeals of Kagome Higurashi and Kaoru Kamiya. It was hard for her to do -she had been an outcast all her life and longed for a reason to talk to some one- but the two of them were just too cheerful for her to handle and she forced herself to continue.  
  
School. The bane of Kerri Mortisen's existence. She was smart, her report card reported every year, but didn't put enough effort or enthusiasm into her work. This was no surprise. Every one had shunned her from her first day of kindergarten to now, her second to last day of high school.  
  
Kagome was a sophomore, Kaoru a senior. The two, in Kerri's eyes, were complete dorks. Kagome was a cheerleader, a writer for the school newspaper and not exactly the brightest bulb. Kaoru should have been a cheerleader, she was bubbly and preppy, but instead she was a track star, a mentor and also the loudest girl in Feldspar High's senior class.  
  
The paper that Kaoru was waving around? A flier about Random's performance at the Feldspar Field Days. Random was a rock band that originated in the area and was composed of five Feldspar High graduates. They were getting pretty popular and had even put in a guest appearance at the FHS Battle of the Bands.  
  
"Oh my God! I have to get Inu Yasha to take me!" Kagome exclaimed, "I missed them at Battle of the Bands because I had practice that night. I've been dying to see them since they started touring."  
  
"Me too! Kenshin will want to go....Ooo, I'm so excited!"   
  
Gag me. Kerri thought. The two of them were jumping up and down like little girls at the thought of their significant others taking them to the concert. Sighing, she spun the dial on her lock. Just once, she would like to have something to look forward to. Just once, she would like to have a boy invite her somewhere.  
  
Crystal Henderson skittered to a stop beside her. "Come on, we'll be late."  
  
"You go on ahead." Kerri said dully. Crystal. What a biznatch. Pretending to be my friend...I hate her so much. She can rot in hell for all I care. Kerri pulled a copy of Washington Square and a notebook from her locker and hurried across the hall to room 224, English.  
  
Her thoughts drifted back to the idea of a boyfriend as she took her seat. Never had she had one; never -she suspected- would she have one. There was a boy she kind of had a thing for, but he was best friends with one of the school's biggest jerks. She wasn't sure why exactly Katsuhiro Tsukioka was friends with Sanosuke Sagara. Katsu was quiet and insightful while Sanosuke was loud and rowdy. But they had been best buddies since middle school and there was no changing that.  
  
Crystal was over near the boys, a piece of paper bearing the Random logo in her hand. She was talking animatedly to Sanosuke as Katsu listened intently, trying to pretend he wasn't listening. Kerri frowned. The two people she hated most were looking in her direction while the one she wished would pay attention to her was intently studying the spiral of his notebook.  
  
Kaoru was fidgeting at her desk, waiting impatiently for her boyfriend, Kenshin Himura, to appear in the room so she could tell him about Random's upcoming concert. The redhead -president of the student government- was busy all day long and he often came to class right as the bell rang.   
  
That day was no exception. He breezed in on the bell, handing a pass to the teacher. "I'm sorry I'm late, that I am. Mr Laloski stopped me in the hall." He said of the principal, "We were discussing a possible booth for Field Days."  
  
Kaoru pouted at having to wait until later to rave about the band and Kerri snickered to herself. Nothing like seeing the popular suffer. She took out a fountain pen and began to doodle in her notebook. Drawing was the one thing she was good at and the one thing that kept her sane. She wanted to be an art teacher after high school and all her teachers knew she was very good. None of them minded when she sat and drew rather than paying attention.  
  
"Hey," Crystal whispered, sliding into her seat next to Kerri's, "Have you heard? Random's playing here in Feldspar in August. You have to find a date. Every one's going."  
  
Every one? Every one?! Kerri thought to herself darkly. No, my stupid friend, not every one. I will be the only person in this accursed town to not see that concert. No one will go with me and that's the way it is.  
  
Crystal smiled to herself. She had been plotting with Sanosuke to get revenge on Kerri Mortisen for some things that she had done to the both of them over the years, some times she had got them both in trouble. Revenge was sweet. Almost as sweet as it would be stabbing her "friend" in the back.  
  
  
  
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So, what do we think so far? Didn't I tell you it would be AU? This is only a prologue, the actual fic starts soon.  
  
Thanks to Sweet Chaos for her help and Zanza not for freaking out even though I made Sano out to be a sort-of antagonist. ^^;  
  
Hugs and kisses to any one who reviews!  
  
-DE  



	2. Chapter 1: A Plot for Revenge

Backstabbed: A Rurouni Kenshin - Inu Yasha cross-over fic

Author's notes: For all intents and purposes, Inu Yasha is human in this fic. That means I'll be writing him as his dark-haired counterpart. Sesshomaru and Koga will remain the same, seeing as how they already have fully human appearances.

D`O`S, Chaos' brother, is excited about his band becoming part of a fic. He hopes it'll help Random gain some popularity. They got together only back in the spring and managed to rank three of six in our high school's battle of the bands. For more info about the Random Band, visit their website.

-DE

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There was one other person at Feldspar High as brooding as Kerri Mortisen: Sesshomaru, half brother of Kagome's love interest, Inu Yasha. The blond-haired, golden-eyed pretty boy trusted no one and cared for no one. Unfortunately for Sesshomaru, he had a posse of giggly, starry eyed girls following him everywhere he went and was something of a heartthrob.

Also a senior, he and Kerri had a mutual understanding that they could freely grumble to one another without having to deal with the actual concept of friendship interfering with a relationship based on finding fault in the surrounding community. Sesshomaru was a most intelligent young man, headed to a prestigious college in the fall, the University of Hexatodus, and thought himself better than most of Feldspar's populace. He rejected the legions of girls swearing undying love to him and coldly turned away any one's attempts to befriend him.

Any one except Kerri. A hardened, mysterious girl with stringy hair and deep, sorrowful eyes, she was the perfect candidate for his abuse. She never complained at his verbal assaults after a bad day, rather she prattled on and on about her own misery. They fairly enjoyed one another's company, although neither would admit it, and ranted and raved to each other every chance they got. 

"Your brother's dippy friends are planning something." Kerri grumbled to the blond during lunch that day.

A sophomore like Kagome, Inu Yasha was rather crude and overbearing. He had long dark hair, dark eyes and a punk attitude. Often seen with the no good troublemakers of the school, Inu Yasha had an unexplainable "thing" for his little cheerleader friend and the other members of their ragtag group. They had been friends from the early days and they were four in number. Besides Inu Yasha and Kagome were Sango, a junior girl with a troubled past, and Miroku an easy-going, lecherous senior.

"Which friends?" Sesshomaru asked distractedly. He was working on his calculus homework, not paying much attention to the girl. They both spent their lunch period in the library, Sesshomaru hiding from scores of giggly female worshippers and Kerri trying to ignore the rest of the world.

"Not the old-school group." She said, referring to Inu Yasha's dysfunctional friends, "The preps."

"Oh. Them. Don't worry about it. They're pretty dumb."

"I know. But Crystal and Sanosuke kept looking at me during English and I get the idea whatever they're plotting has something to do with the Random concert."

"Crystal? She couldn't find her way out of a paper bag if she tried. I wouldn't get my shorts in a twist over her. And you're not going to that stupid concert anyway, are you?"

"I like Random. I wouldn't mind going."

"Waste of money if you ask me." Sesshomaru played the cello. He listened to classical music only. Or so every one thought. He was a closet Random fan, never telling any one that he not only had both their CDs, but also a tee-shirt, a bumper sticker and a coffee mug.

Kerri stared at him for a moment. Sesshomaru, the pretty boy; dressed in khakis and a red, polo shirt, his math things spread before him on the table. Arguing with him was a lost cause. "I'll see you later." She muttered as she hoisted her courier bag over her shoulder and slouched out of the room.

He didn't even look up from his homework as she retreated.

Katsuhiro's gaze followed Kerri down the hall. He wasn't sure just why every one hated her so much. She certainly was gloomy, with thin black hair and inky eyes and all of her clothing shades of charcoal. She had a certain style, an attractive figure, and was certainly intriguing, but Sanosuke was always warning him not to get too interested. She's a strange one, his friend warned, and she's vengeful. You don't want to cross her.

She seemed unapproachable. He wanted to talk to her, but didn't know what to say. How does one approach somebody totally locked away within themself? What was he supposed to talk about? He felt sorry for her, all alone all the time.

Brushing a strand of hair from his turquoise eyes, he wandered into the library. He was worried about the way Sano and Crystal had been whispering back and forth during English class. He'd only been able to catch snatches of their conversation without appearing to seem too interested and nosey, but the words "Random", "revenge" and "Kerri" had all peppered the discussion. He didn't trust Crystal any more than he trusted a bomb with a lit fuse.

"Kerri." 

The girl turned to come face to face with the smiling visage of Sojiro Seta. Sojiro was just about the only person she trusted. Dark-haired, blue-eyed and slightly off-balance, the senior boy was always grinning while really always living in silent torment. His family hated him, he had been brainwashed by an older friend at a young age and was only then learning to think for himself.

"What's up, Sojiro?" 

"You going to the concert in August?"

"I don't know. Most people are taking some one with them. I don't want to go alone and look like a major goober. Are you going?"

"Not my scene." He shook his head cheerfully, "Besides, I'll be in Fairbrook by then."

"Right." She nodded.

Sojiro was headed to a small, private college in the middle of nowhere. Fairbrook was something of a prep school, exclusive and expensive. He'd been offered a full scholarship and was very glad to finally leave home. 

"Wait a minute. Aren't you going to be gone then too?"

"Well, I do leave the Sunday before, but I'm only going an hour away to Skeeverton. I plan on coming home for the weekend. We always go to see the fireworks with old family friends."

"Oh. Well, I gotta go. Sociology class. The study of human beings and how they interact is fascinating, you know." He grinned, "I'll see you around."

"Bye." She watched as he left, the same broad smile plastered on his face. She knew how much he suffered inside. Not many people understood him, but she knew everything about him. She went through the same torment as he did, hiding her heart, never letting any one see who she really was.

Government class. _Shoot me now_. There were a lot of familiar faces in Mr. Inatset's class; Kenshin, Sanosuke, Katsu, Crystal, Miroku. Also involved in this circle of acquaintances were Kikyo, an old girlfriend of Inu Yasha's who had been skipped ahead a grade; Hajime Saito, rival of Kenshin who was rumored to smoke between classes, and his quiet girlfriend, Tokio. The latter two were and always would be the undisputed class couple; they had been together for the past five years.

Kerri hated government. Not only did she hate everything about the whole stinkin' capitalist regime of America, she hated all the arguments that broke out amongst the class. Every one disagreed about everything and it was too loud for her in that classroom, due to all the shouting back and forth. Learning fascinated the girl. The only problem was, they never taught her anything she cared about at school.

Katsu also despised the class. He was anti-patriotic, loathing everything about the way the country was run. Listening to Mr. Inatset ramble on about the government was his least favorite part of the day. He pulled out a pencil and drew a picture of his best friend in his sketch book. He was an outstanding artist, always drawing caricatures of his classmates at their request. He had this in common with Kerri.

Kerri watched as Katsu sketched, his long hair held off his face by a green bandana. She envied his ability to draw things so realistically. She specialized in cartoons and doodles. Then she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. Crystal was trying to get her attention. The girl was urgently waving a folded piece of paper under her desk.

Waiting until the teacher was distracted, Kerri snatched the paper and unfolded it in her lap.

__

Ker-

Sano says that Katsuhiro wants to take you to the concert, but he's too shy to ask you. What do you think?

-Cry

The friendless girl snorted indelicately. Katsu wanted to go with her? A likely story. That must've been what the two had been scheming away about during English in the morning. Dragging poor Katsuhiro unknowingly into it wasn't very fair. She crumpled the paper and left it on her desk to throw away later.

"I don't know what shit you're trying to pull with me." She said coldly to Crystal after class, "But I'm not falling for it. And leave Katsu out of your damn games. He doesn't deserve to be treated like shit because you want to annoy me."

"I'm serious." The blond girl insisted, "Katsuhiro really likes you. I don't know why," She shrugged, "But Sano says he wants to get to know you. Seems like a waste of time to me, what with tomorrow being the last day of class and all. I mean, he had four years to get together with you. It's a little late now."

Kerri nodded vaguely. What she knew and Crystal didn't was that both she and Katsu had been accepted -with a full ride- at Skeeverton School of Art in the small college town of Skeeverton about an hour away. It had been big news among the art department, two of their students going to the most prominent art school on the east coast, but Crystal was too busy chasing guys to take an art class. If the quiet, dark-haired artist wanted to pursue a relationship in college, Kerri would take back every nasty thing she'd ever thought about anything.

But, a voice in her head screamed, why the hell would you believe a single thing Crystal is telling you? She's a no-good, rotten liar, not to mention a manipulative, bossy psychopath. This couldn't be true. She had sworn never to believe anything her so-called friend said to her. "Whatever. I've got to go or I'll miss my bus." She turned on her heal and marched from the room.

Crystal smiled to herself, then turned to Sanosuke. "It's working. She hesitated, thinking about everything I said. She doesn't know whether to believe me or not."

Sano looked evenly at the chubby blond girl through chocolate brown eyes. "Good. I'll be glad to see her suffer. I'm still real mad at her about the time she snitched on me and ruined that fight I had planned with Saito. But Katsu better not find out about this." He looked over to where his friend was stuffing loose pages back into his sketch book, "He really is curious about her and if he found out he'd blow a fuse. The jerk gets pretty angry when some one crosses him."

"Katsuhiro won't find out. You worry too much, Sano." Crystal told him teasingly, pushing back a loose strand of his hair, a sly smile on her lips. In reality, Katsuhiro would find out everything. The blond didn't like him either. He was too much like Kerri for her taste, he could see right through her false charm, and he was always cautioning Sano against going out with her. Katsuhiro Tsukioka was the only thing that stood between Crystal and Sano now that Megumi Takani had graduated and gone away to med school. The wrestler had lusted after pretty Megumi for two years while she had done nothing more than ignore him for just as long.

Things were shaping up perfectly for Crystal's revenge on the two people she hated more than any one. She had a strong desire to laugh evilly, but held it in. Sano could know nothing about the fact that she wanted to destroy Katsuhiro right before he parted ways with his big, tough best friend. 


	3. Chapter 2: Going Over the Moon

Backstabbed: A Rurouni Kenshin - Inu Yasha cross-over fic

Thanks to K+K Fanatic for being my only non-friend reviewer. I know Zanza, Chaos and Katsu-chan mean well, but it's nice to get reviews from people I don't know already ^_^

I'll try to get more Kaoru and Kenshin into this. While I like them just fine, I'm more of a side-character fan, liking the characters you know little about. They're often easier to write into a fic since you don't have to worry so much about keeping them in character. I think I'll be alternating chapters between Kerri's interaction with both the RK group and the IY group, so the next one will probably have a lot of Sesshomaru in it. The only one that will really have the two groups mixing is the final chap, where they go to the Random concert.

Thanks again!

-DE

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"Tokio, are you going to the concert in August?" 

Kerri and Tokio lived near one another and took the same bus home. While the two girls didn't talk often, they chatted offhandedly on the bus occasionally. Kerri wasn't quite sure what Tokio saw in Hajime Saito, but they had been together since the beginning of eighth grade and there was a rumor they were going to get married.

"Hajime says he's going to take me, so yes." The quiet girl smiled. Tokio was plain to look upon, with strait, chestnut brown hair and inky eyes. Independent, caring and thoughtful, Tokio was the only person who got away with calling the boy by his first name. To the rest of the world, he was merely "Saito." The man with the wolf-like eyes had a soft spot for Tokio and she loved him in return. "Are you going?"

"I would, but it's kind of a couple-y thing, isn't it?" Kerri wrinkled up her nose, "I have no one to go with."

"Katsuhiro likes you."

"Well he hasn't asked me." The bus screeched as it slowed to a stop and she stood up, grabbing her bag. "See ya, Tokio."

"Good-bye." The other girl called after her. Poor Kerri…Tokio worried about her. No one could ever get close to her because she had turned off her heart to the world. She knew that shy Katsuhiro was really hung up on Kerri Mortisen and had no clue how to approach her. She also knew that Kerri really liked Katsuhiro but would never admit it. Tokio knew nearly everything that went on around her. She was observant and could process what she saw. One of the things about her that appealed to Saito was this ability. However, she wasn't sure how she could help the two realize what they felt for one another.

Kerri unlocked the door to her house and was greeted only by the dog. Her parents worked all day and wouldn't be home until closer to five. She was an only child, her extended family lived an hour away and that only served to increase her loneliness.

"Hiya, Kurt." She patted the mutt on the head and he offered her his chewy toy. This was slightly unusual; the dog -whom she had named after her favorite X-man- was constantly ignoring her.

Two of their cats, Maxwell and Wu were curled up together on the couch. Maxwell was a black and white spotted kitten with a taste for mischief, while Wu was a sleek, crotchety Siamese. Two more cats were hidden somewhere in the house, dopey Tenkage, a longhaired calico with extra toes, and Xellos, an all black male who disappeared whenever some one was looking for him.

Wu looked at her lazily, offering a loud "mrow" as a welcome. He had always been her baby, from the time she was five and he just a kitten. He was just about as bitter and hostile as she was and the two got along famously.

Tucking the Siamese under her arm, Kerri ventured into the kitchen. She rummaged in the cupboard to find a snack, then plopped down in her dad's big recliner. Munching on a bag of chex mix, she flipped the TV on and began aimlessly surfing through the channels. 

It was then that the phone rang.

Normally, Kerri would just let the machine pick up. Calls were rarely -if ever- for her. But for some reason unbeknownst to any one, she heaved the cat off her lap and trotted back out to the kitchen to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Oh, hi. Kerri?" It was Tokio on the other end.

"Yeah?" The depressed girl's voice had a wary tone to it. It made Tokio wonder just how many prank calls she had received over the years.

"I was, uh, wondering if…Well, that is, a bunch of us are going out tonight to, you know, celebrate the end of school and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come."

"Us? Who's 'us?' Where are you going? And why ask me?"

Tokio sighed. Kerri had rights to be suspicious of her motives, but then, she hadn't done anything but be nice to the dark haired girl since they met in eighth grade. Sometimes Kerri Mortisen could be a very frustrating person. "Oh, just the usual bunch of us. Hajime, Kenshin, Kaoru, Sano…You know, all of them." _Stupid! Of course she doesn't know…No one does things with her! _"We're going to the diner and then hang out at the mall. I want you to come because I thought you'd have fun." _Lame! What kind of girl would have fun with people who aren't even her friends?_

"Is Crystal going to be there?" The other girl's voice was still heavily guarded.

"Probably. I don't think she's working tonight."

"Oh." There was some grumbling from Kerri's end of the line, muffled by what Tokio assumed was her hand over the mouth piece, "What about Sojiro?"

"He'll be there." Tokio knew that Kerri and Sojiro had some sort of strange friendship, if you could call it that. The constantly smiling boy and the mopey girl had been close companions since they met in first grade. Sojiro, product of his father's affair with a hooker, had been kicked out of his house quite often in middle school and Kerri always hid him safely in her attic. He wasn't a troublemaker, his family just saw him as some one to blame all their problems on.

"All right." Came the grudging response, "I'll go."

"I'm glad. Hajime and I will pick you up around seven, okay?"

"Whatever."

"Good-bye."

"Bye."

__

Well, Kerri thought as she hung up the phone, _this could either be the best or worst night of my life_. Where Sanosuke was, there was sure to be Katsu also. This could be a good thing. But if Crystal was there…Ugh. She looked at her watch. It was three-thirty. In three and a half hours, she would be with people she'd known all her life and still knew virtually nothing about. _What have I gotten myself into?_

The phone instantly rang again. Slightly annoyed, Kerri grabbed it. "Hello?!" 

"Now Miss Kerri, what kind of greeting is that for your only friend?"

"Sojiro?" 

"The one and only."

"I'm sorry…It's been an odd day."

"I've heard from Tokio that you're coming out with us tonight. I hope you're prepared for the worst. This could be brutal."

"I know. Crystal," Her voice burned with contempt, "Is going."

"Don't forget about Sano." Came Sojiro's cheerful reply, "I know how well the two of you get along. Anyway, I called to give you some advice. Dress casual-nice. When we go out, no one dresses up, but no one looks like a bum either. I know you've got some good stuff, so make yourself presentable."

"Okay…I don't see why what I wear matters, but I suppose I could swing that. Casual-nice." Kerri was beginning to feel almost excited. She didn't mind half the people she would be spending the evening with, so long as Sanosuke and Crystal minded their own business and left her alone.

Her outfit for the evening consisted of a pair of faded, grayish jeans, a slightly skanky black tank top and small silver hoops in the four holes in each of her ears. A black velour choker from which hung a fairy with wings made from gray crystals hung around her neck. Silver bracelet, silver nail polish and a couple of plain silver rings completed the ensemble. On her feet were a pair of black flip-flops.

Ignoring the make-up her mother had bought her, she ran a brush through her shoulder-length hair. Not one for trying to make herself pretty, Kerri did have her own unique sense of style that often included silver jewelry and the color black.

She wandered nervously through the house as she waited for Saito and Tokio. Her mom had been overjoyed when she said she was going out for the night and couldn't understand her daughter's anxiousness.

"Sweetheart, why don't you calm down? They're your friends, aren't they? What's to be nervous about?"

"You don't understand, Mom." She grumbled under her breath, "You never do." _Friends my ass. They're just people that feel sorry for me, goody-goodies with nothing better to do than take pity on the poor, wacked-out girl that no one likes_.

Precisely at seven, a car pulled into the driveway. Kerri slid out the door without so much as a good-bye to her mother. She knew if her mom had a chance, the couple would be invited in and questioned by her father. No, not questioned. Given the third degree. An old Monty Python sketch drifted through her mind. _I didn't suspect a sort of Spanish Inquisition…Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! _

Saito drove a dark blue, 1994 model Pontiac Grand Am. It was old and dingy, with an ashtray full of cigarette butts. Kerri wrinkled her nose at the smell as she climbed inside. She hated the smell of tobacco and thought any one who smoked was a loser with even less self-esteem than she had. Saito was no exception to this theory.

The radio was tuned to a classic rock station, much to the girl's surprise. Neither Tokio nor Saito seemed the type to listen to decent music. She had pictured Tokio as one who would enjoy easy listening and Saito, well she never had been sure.

Tokio twisted around in her seat as they pulled out of the driveway. "I'm glad you decided to come, Kerri. I know we'll have a good time."

She nodded faintly. The brunet was wearing a yellow peasant blouse and khaki skirt. Her hair was pulled lightly off her face and she looked very cute, as always. Saito had his usual outfit, jeans and a white tee-shirt. He varied his tee-shirts from day to day, but they were always white and usual bore a FHS logo and sports team. Today's was a cross county tee.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the two girls. Saito said nothing other than telling Kerri to put on her seatbelt, something she would have done anyway. _This, _Kerri told herself, _does not bode well…_

The Over the Moon Diner, a popular hangout for the Feldspar youth, was already crowded upon their arrival. Kaoru had enough sense to reserve the back room for their rather large party and many of their friends were already there. 

Sojiro greeted Kerri cordially as she slid into a seat next to him. "You look stunning, Ker. Like the choker. It's a nice touch." He leaned closer to her, his usual grin plastered across his face, his eyes sparkling, "Crystal is going to be sooooo jealous!"

Indeed, the blond would be green with envy. She wasn't there yet; she probably was trying to figure which of her slutty clothes would make her look most attractive. Crystal was a tad bit overweight and seemed to not be aware of this fact. Her clothes were a size too small and she had no qualms about showing cleavage or other random parts of her body.

Kerri herself was thin and lean with a rather nice figure. What she was wearing showed off just enough of her chest and her body to make her appealing without bearing it all. She was unaware of how attractive she was, due to her low self-esteem, but this didn't stop the guys from noticing. They all just thought she was a little strange.

Kenshin and Kaoru were cuddled up in a booth together. Hajime and Tokio were at the table, discussing what they wanted to eat. Sanosuke was brooding over the absence of Megumi. She was working in the city of her college for the summer and none of them had seen her since Spring Break. Katsuhiro sat leaning back in his chair, looking slightly detached.

"Hiii!!!" Freshman Misao bounded into the room, trailed by her sometimes-boyfriend, Aoshi Shinamori. Misao was bubbly and optimistic, while Aoshi, a senior, was quiet and pensive. A less likely couple there never was, but the two were quite attached to one another; they'd known each other since they were little. 

The group greeted them warmly, ignoring Kerri. She slumped down in her seat. _What the hell am I doing here?_

Misao slid into a booth, pulling Aoshi behind her. She was beaming happily at the thought of summer vacation, her long braid falling over her shoulder. She was wearing a mini skirt and a purple halter top, gold hoops in her ears. Aoshi had a more sophisticated style, slacks and a button down shirt; his dark hair falling into his icy eyes kind of gave him a sinister, mysterious look.

Crystal breezed in shortly after, causing Misao's face to darken. She didn't like the older girl; Crystal was always simpering over Aoshi, trying to interfere with their relationship. The blond senior meant trouble with a capital T. Noticing the look on his companion's face, Aoshi leaned over and whispered something to her, which caused her to giggle.

"Well, what are you doing here, Kerri?" Crystal plopped down beside her, "Shouldn't you be at home, reading your encyclopedias or something?"

"Bite me." She said contemptuously, studying the menu. She could see Sojiro snickering from behind his menu and wondered what sort of expression the other girl had on her face. It was rare that she ever had any sort of nasty comeback for Crystal's snide comments.

Looking around after ordering, Kerri realized that save for herself, Sojiro and Katsu, every one present had a significant other of some sort. Kenshin was attentive to every one of Kaoru's needs; Saito and Tokio were pleasantly discussing something; Misao prattled on and on about soccer to Aoshi; Crystal was keeping Sanosuke amused, trying to prevent him from pining over Megumi. Sojiro was single, not looking and fine with that and Katsu…well, Kerri could never tell what the quiet artist was thinking.

"Hey," Sojiro leaned across the table at this point, "Look at Crystal. I don't think you'll ever have to worry. She doesn't seem to like guys with long hair at all."

Kerri frowned at his implication, but it was true. Crystal had been ignoring Kenshin and Katsu in favor of Sanosuke, Aoshi and Saito. She knew Sojiro was untouchable, as attractive and beautiful as he was, otherwise she probably would have been all over him too. So Crystal was prejudice against guys with long hair, eh? Kenshin wore his in a flaming ponytail, light bangs falling across his forehead and into his violet eyes. Katsu's was shoulder-length, dark and shiny, held off his face by a bandana. This was an interesting observation on Sojiro's part.

The food came and every one was quick to tuck in. Katsu picked at his French fries, allowing Sanosuke to eat most of them, an act which his best friend found rather unusual. Something was bothering the teen and Sano couldn't figure out what. He watched his friend pretend to be happy as they scarfed down the meal. Katsu was really upset about something.

Sano found out what later on. He dragged his friend into the bathroom and slammed him up against the wall. "What the hell is wrong with you? You're sitting there like a moron. Tell me what's bothering you."

"I don't think Kerri's having a good time. Why did Tokio invite her? She doesn't belong here." Katsu looked evenly at Sano, his dark eyes glaring into Sano's brandy brown ones. Sanosuke Sagara was known to fly off the handle at times. He wondered if his friend and Crystal didn't have something to do with Kerri's being there, but wasn't going to ask.

"So ask her then." Sometimes solemn Katsuhiro exasperated aggressive Sanosuke. He was a man of action, his friend -his complete opposite- was a man of contemplation. Katsu thought through everything carefully before acting on it. It drove Sano wild.

"I can't ask her that! She doesn't even like me!" The artist's eyes widened and he shrank back against the wall. The thought of talking to Kerri terrified him; he was afraid of what kind of pointless rambling he might spout out if he opened his mouth in front of her.

"Katsu…" Sano stepped back, smiling slightly. Then his face clouded over and he slammed his fist into the wall. "You're such a jerk, Katsu! She's crazy about you!"

"No, she's not. She never even looks at me. She hates me as much as she hates every one else. And what about Sojiro? Or Sesshomaru? She's pretty damn chummy with the two of them. I can't compete with either of them for her, you idiot. Sesshomaru is the class heartthrob and all the girls always go on and on about how cute Sojiro is. I'm just me, nothing special."

"And you call me an idiot…" Shaking his head, Sanosuke exited the bathroom. What a fool his friend was. Kerri hung out with Sesshomaru only to complain about how much she hated the world and Sojiro because he was as funked up as she was.

Katsu stared at himself in the mirror. "What's wrong with me?" He pondered aloud.

"You're a wuss." 

The artist half turned, coming face to face with Saito, who pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. It was a known fact that Tokio hated the idea that her man smoked; she told him it was a dirty habit, so he couldn't go outside to do it or she would know. The bathroom was the next best thing.

"I'm not a wuss, Saito. You were the same way with Tokio."

"We were in the eight grade. You're eighteen. There's a big difference. If you can't tell the girl you like her, give her up right now."

"What did you say to Tokio?"

"I told her she was going to the pep rally with me and she said okay. It was that simple. I was thirteen and knew what I wanted. You've got to figure out if you really want her or not." He snuffed the cigarette in the sink and left the room, muttering to himself, "Damn smoke…Tokio'll know…She's going to be pissed."

Sighing, Katsu dragged himself out of the bathroom and back to his friends. It was going to be a long night…


	4. Chapter 3: A Trip to the Mall

The mall, surprisingly, was rather crowded. A Thursday night was usually less noisy in Feldspar; the teens waited until Friday to party. However, since the end of school was approaching, every one was fairly rowdy and there were kids from all the nearby schools loitering around the indoor mall.

The FHS students looked suspiciously at the rich, snobby kids from Waters Private Academy in nearby Gilmour. Sesshomaru had often told Kerri he should have gone to school there, but his father always loved Inu Yasha more and wouldn't spend the money on him. Also hanging around were the more shabby kids from Gilmour High, all of them tagging enviously along behind the more prominent WPA students.

There were kids from Deeper, another town about a mile away. The Deeper Samurais were the bitter, long-time rivals of the Feldspar Miners. There was friction between both schools, which intensified due to the glee of the upcoming end of school.

Sojiro had long been a target of the Deeper kids. He was on the tennis team and one of FHS' star players. Tennis had been the pride of Deeper until Sojiro came along and joined the Feldspar team. Every one in Deeper knew who he was. Every one in Deeper hated him.

Unfortunately, in the last big match of the year, Sojiro had messed up. The Deeper kids would never let him live it down and reminded him of his humiliating defeat every chance they got. He fairly flipped out, due to the emotional strain it put on him, and this only served as more fuel for their taunting.

"Look, there's Psycho." One of them called to his friends, "Psycho's here." He mimicked swinging a tennis racket, much to Sojiro's chagrin.

"You should ignore them; that you should." Kenshin said mildly. He was one for trying to keep peace among his friends.

"He's such a weakling, can't even hit a ball right." The tormenting continued, "Can't do anything right."

Maybe it was something about the use of the word "weakling" or maybe it was just the fact that Sojiro had been agitated all evening after watching Crystal fawn over men who already had girlfriends, but something came unhinged in the troubled teen's mind. He started screaming and fell to his knees, banging his head on the wall of Old Navy.

His friends looked appalled. Except for Kenshin, Kaoru and Kerri. They had all seen this behavior before. When things conflicted with each other in Sojiro's mind -such as the way the Deeper tennis player's comment had been in direct opposition to Kenshin's ideal that the weak could do great things- he went haywire.

"Sojiro!" Kaoru exclaimed in dismay, "He was doing so well recently…" 

"You do not want to do this, Sojiro." Kenshin bent over his friend, "You'll hurt yourself."

Kerri, however, sat down on the floor next to him. "Sojiro? Sojiro, get up. It doesn't matter what people like that say. They're scum, just like every one in this God-forsaken town. You're not weak. You're stronger than I'll ever be."

His head banged against the wall once more, slowly this time, and he remained there, forehead against the concrete. Tears streamed down his face and he clenched and unclenched his fist.

"What the hell is his problem?" A voice asked in disbelief.

Kerri looked up. Inu Yasha and his three close companions were gawking at the unhappy boy and she quickly understood they had seen the whole head-banging episode. Frowning, she glared at them all. 

Sango looked slightly sympathetic -she too had a crappy childhood and still had many issues- and it appeared she almost wanted to do something to help, but she hung back instead. Inu Yasha's expression was a disgusted one, as if he couldn't believe some one would do something so queer in public. Miroku was no longer paying any attention; he had turned to Misao and was trying to flatter her into a date after Aoshi went away. Kagome, however, went right over to Kaoru and asked her what was going on.

"Sojiro gets weird sometimes when things make him feel threatened or mixed up." The track star explained, shrugging. Her long ponytail bobbed with her every movement and her hands fluttered wildly as she spoke. "He's been like that forever. His family was so mean to him and Shishio confused him with a lot of shit a few years ago."

"Shut up! Don't talk about him like that! He's right here! You can't talk about him like he's not here. He might have gone slightly insane for the moment, but he's not some sort of mental case. He can still hear everything." Kerri glared at both preppy girls, "You don't understand. You don't get it!"

"Kerri, calm down before-" Kenshin began, but she cut him off.

"I will not calm down! I don't know what I'm even doing here; all this pretending, the falsity…" She paced in small circles, momentarily forgetting about Sojiro and focusing only on her own unhappiness. Then she stomped off towards the Walden Books.

"She's as crazy as he is…" Inu Yasha muttered.

"Shut up, Idiot." Sojiro looked contemptuously at the underclassman. Then he too stormed away.

Kerri paced around in Walden's debating over what she wanted to do. Call her parents to go home? No; that was out of question. But she wouldn't go back with the Kenshin gang either. They didn't want her. There was no question about that.

"Well, well, Kerri. Out and about and avoiding Inu Yasha, are we?" 

She looked over her shoulder to see the pale face of Naraku. He was peering at her curiously, as if unsure whether or not to approach her. His dark eyes held an amused look and a small smile played across his lips. Snarling, she turned back away from him. The junior with the scraggly hair and devious smile was bad news.

Every one suspected the misfit boy was plotting something, but no one was ever sure what. He was the type who would show up at school with a bomb and no one would be surprised. Revenge was his only driving force and he lived to make others miserable. Long-time enemy of Inu Yasha, he had tried to gain the support of both Sesshomaru and the sophomore's former girlfriend, Kikyo. Sesshomaru never bought it, but Kikyo sometimes joined forces with the demonic boy to toy with her ex's heart. Kerri wondered if the two had a thing going on with each other; they suited one another nicely.

"Get lost, Naraku." She grumbled, "I'm trying to think."

"I saw the look on his face when your unbalanced friend flipped out. That was very inconsiderate of him, don't you think?" He pushed his face closer to hers as if daring her to ignore him.

"Shut up."

"Poor little Sojiro, what with his crappy home life and all. He can't be blamed for his insanity. Too many bad things happened to him. I heard he tried to kill his whole family when he was ten. Makoto didn't help matters with all his 'strong people survive' mumbo-jumbo. It's not his fault he's crazy. Inu Yasha shouldn't judge him for it."

"Shut up!"

"Doesn't that make you want to hurt him for his insensitivity? Shouldn't he be punished? Sojiro can't help the things he does. You know that. It isn't his fault and Inu Yasha just made it worse. He deserves to be punished for it."

"Oh, shut your mouth already!" Sesshomaru had come strolling down the aisle, a slightly annoyed look on his face. "You're such a bastard, Naraku, preying on other people's insecurities and weaknesses." He grabbed Kerri by the wrist and dragged her out of the store.

"He didn't get to you, did he?" The blond growled.

"No. He didn't." Kerri jerked her arm free of his grasp.

"Good. Nobody's allowed to torment my brother but me. He proved to be most unsympathetic yet again."

"What are you doing here anyway?" She asked suspiciously.

He rolled his golden eyes. "Dad made me come along to 'baby-sit' Inu Yasha. Plus the kid can't drive yet and I'm forced into being his personal chauffer most of the time."

"Bah."

"You appear to be having a bad night. Why are you here?"

She studied Sesshomaru for a moment, taking in his feminine features, his aristocratic expression. She understood at that moment why so many girls chased after him; he was _very _attractive. But his eyes…they were a total turn-off. Cold and calculating, his eyes held no emotion other than disdain.

"I'm here because I'm a moron. Tokio called me after school and begged me to hang out with her friends and I stupidly agreed. The whole night has been one long disaster and the only person who truly wanted me here just lost it. Sojiro's going to be off-kilter for a while. No point in try to interact with him the rest of the night." She sighed.

"Coming with them was pretty stupid on your part." He agreed.

She glared at him. And he talked about Inu Yasha being insensitive…

"But I do feel sorry for Sojiro. What his family did to him, that's pretty rotten. He's eighteen. Why didn't he move out of that hellhole?"

"You don't understand." She brushed her hair from her eyes, "They might seem like crap, but they're all he's got."

"He's got you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Oh, come now. The two of you are always together, always with one another. Don't tell me you don't have some sort of relationship going on."

"He's my only friend. Of course we do stuff together. But I do not have a 'thing' with Sojiro!"

Sesshomaru regarded her evenly. She was beginning to fidget and that was a sure sign she would blow a fuse eventually. While she wouldn't go quite as crazy as Sojiro had, she tended to get rather violent towards others when upset. Her voice was rising and falling, becoming shriller as she spoke.

"Kerri, you should-"

"Stop! I've had more than enough of you for one evening. I'm going to go as crazy as he is if I don't get away from you." She turned and stormed away from him.

Kerri wound up in the Starbucks for while. She didn't like coffee, but she could get a decent cup of tea, better than anything she could get at McDonald's. She needed to relax and she knew it. Drinking tea was the best way she could think of. Warm chai, a dash of cream, two sugars, a hint of lemon…She sat watching kids wander through the mall while she sipped it and munched on a chocolate chip cookie.

"Was he okay?"

Looking up, her gaze met Sango's. She never understood why the younger girl hung around with Inu Yasha and his friends. Dark-haired, dark-eyed and rather distant, Sango was nearly as bleak and dismal as Kerri herself. No one knew what happened to her mother, but every one was well aware of the fact that she'd witnessed her little brother's kidnapping as a child and never got completely over it. Kohaku had been returned to her and their father after some time, but he hadn't been the same since. The girl preferred to be by herself, but some people speculated she tagged along with Inu Yasha and co. because she had a thing for the perverted Miroku.

"Huh?" Kerri blinked. She had been lost in the Styrofoam cup of tea, forgetting nearly everything around her.

"Sojiro. Was he okay?"

"Yeah. It was just one of his turns. He has bad days sometimes." Kerri shrugged, "He'll be fine in an hour or two."

"An hour or two?" She blinked her gray eyes, "What exactly is wrong with him?"

"What's wrong with any of us? Nothing is 'wrong' with Sojiro. He's been both physically and emotionally abused, but he has no mental problems. It's not like he isn't all there. People don't understand him. If we go by your logic, you're pretty messed up too."

"I know." She let out a breath, "Psychological trauma is the worst kind. That's what my shrink says…I'm always thinking 'Maybe if had been smarter or stronger or older I could have prevented the whole thing. Maybe I could have kept Kohaku safe and he would still be the same.' It was my fault. Dad tells me that all the time. I'm his big sister; I should have watched him more carefully."

"That's terrible! You were only a kid yourself."

"Dad needs to blame some one. He chose me."

"That bites."

"How about you? By my standards, you'd be messed up."

Another shrug from Kerri. "It's a typical story of self pity. My parents are well-to do and not big on the emotional support. I'm an only child, treated like an adult since I was old enough to talk, starved for attention. No one remembers when I missed school for a month in my sophomore year because they don't care enough about me, but I had tried to commit suicide and was in a mental hospital."

Sango looked at her morosely. "I remember that." She said softly, "I was a freshman then, but I was at the same hospital, being treated for severe depression."

The two girls stared at one another for a moment, then Kerri spoke again. "Sojiro, he should go there. But his father won't pay for it. My mom and dad were told that my suicide attempt was a cry for attention. The therapist said I was starved for attention. They didn't listen. They go on like nothing happened. I have this scar, see?" She held up her left wrist, "They pretend it's not there. It's like that whole damn month never happened. As long as things appear perfect, they are perfect."

"Perfect is just a word that ignorant people made up. Nothing could ever be 'perfect.' I hate that word."

"I agree." She paused, "Why aren't we friends, Sango?"

"Don't know. You're older than me; we never had any classes together."

"That doesn't stop you from hanging out with Miroku."

Sango's face turned bright red. Kerri ignored it and continued.

"Inu Yasha and Kagome are younger than you. You hang around with them too. Age has nothing to do with it." There was another pregnant pause, "Are you afraid of me?"

Nothing but stunned silence from Sango.

"I understand if you are. I'm pretty depressing and creepy. People are frightened by me. I'm used to it. You spend all this time waiting for something, but you get tired of the waiting. When you get too tired, you do something about it. You lock yourself away. People get even more frightened by that."

"I'm not afraid of you." The younger girl smiled a queer half-smile, "I don't see anything wrong about the fact that you're different from most people. It makes you more intriguing."

Kerri smiled slightly. "I don't care what any one else thinks, you know? I'd rather be me and friendless than somebody else and loved for it." She stood up, "I'm leaving. See you around."

"Hey, wait, give me your number. We can do something over break."

"Get it from Kaoru." She wandered out of the Star Bucks, leaving Sango sitting there and feeling more confused about her.


	5. Chapter 4: Truth About Kerri

Backstabbed: A Rurouni Kenshin - Inu Yasha cross-over fic.

I'd just like to point out that this will probably be a really long fic. The first four chaps cover the span of a day and this one has a little of that same night in it too. I don't know how much of the summer is going to be written in, probably just late August, right before the concert.

This will probably turn into an even more depressing story as it goes along; I tend to write gloomy stories. Lots of drama and angst to come before a happy(?) ending.

-DE

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"I got her really mad at me, Kenshin." Kaoru was quite upset about the whole episode with Sojiro and Kerri. Seeing Sojiro behave like that, whacking his head violently against the closest object, could unnerve any one. Kaoru and Kerri had a fragile relationship; the older girl didn't like her very much because she was so peppy and optimistic. It didn't take much for Kerri to get mad at her.

"She'll get over it." Kenshin assured her, "Kerri is flighty. Things set her off, then she forgets about them. Her temper is very strong, but she cools off quickly."

"But she's mad at me. I hate when people are mad at me."

Tokio was also worrying over the situation. She blamed herself for Kerri running off because she was the one who invited the other girl along. "It was my fault…I should have known better. Kerri doesn't belong with us…I was just trying to do something nice and make her feel welcome."

"Tokio, calm down." Saito watched as she nervously fiddled with her necklace, a gold heart he'd given her for their third anniversary. Her eyes were full of anguish at the thought of upsetting Kerri and she was pretty distressed.

"I feel really bad about it. This whole night was a disaster, Hajime. I can't even apologize to her because I don't know where she is."

Saito sighed. Tokio was a very selfless, caring person. She wouldn't be happy until she talked to Kerri and made sure for herself that the girl was fine. "Do you want to find her and tell her you're sorry?"

"I don't know…I don't want her even more upset." She fretted.

"Tokio…" She exasperated him sometimes. He would never let her go, but she needed to get a little more backbone. "Let's just go home. This whole night was a bad experience. You'll feel better about it in the morning. You tried your hardest to include her, but she just doesn't fit in here."

"That's not right though…Everybody should be included."

"Sometimes, everybody can't be. Come on; I need a cigarette."

"You shouldn't smoke. It's-"

"I know, it's a disgusting habit. Deal with it."

Shaking her head, Tokio followed him out of the store. She called goodbyes to her friends, telling them she would see them tomorrow.

Kenshin looked back at his remaining companions. "We should look for Sojiro. He was very upset and not quite in his right mind when he left."

"What about Kerri?" Katsuhiro spoke up quietly, "She ran off too."

The redhead smiled at his friend's concern. "She'll be fine. Kerri's not emotionally unbalanced like Sojiro is."

Something had been dogging at Katsu's memory, something he just couldn't put his finger on. There was something about Kerri…he tried to remember what. Something lurked in the back of his mind…Kerri had been upset and depressed before. But every one was like that from time to time…His mind was racing. Suddenly he thought back to sophomore year. Kerri had…"We have to find her!" He ran off leaving them standing openmouthed.

"What's up with him?" Sanosuke scratched his head.

"He's worried about Kerri." Sojiro strolled back up to the group, looking much more composed than he earlier had. "And he has good cause to be."

"What're you talking about?" 

"Don't you remember?" A withering sigh escaped the boy's lips, "Sophomore year, she tried to kill herself."

Crystal smirked. Katsuhiro had remembered this and he was going to make an ass out of himself whether she was involved or not. This would be well worth it. He would find Kerri. And she herself would ruin anything that may happen between them. "I'm going to look for Kerri." She sauntered casually away.

Kerri was sitting outside on a low stone wall by the wheelchair lamp leading into Ruby Tuesday's. She was hunched over, her stringy hair falling into her eyes. A million thoughts raced through her mind: _This whole night was a waste. I shouldn't have come. I hate Tokio for inviting me. Poor Sojiro, he didn't deserve that. I hate the Deeper kids for doing it to him. Naraku was trying to get to me. I hate him too. Why did I come? I should have known it would only lead to this. I hate myself…_

The moon disappeared behind a cloud. It was going to pour. The smell of rain hung heavy on the air and it was very humid. A breeze blew, whipping Kerri's hair around her face. She looked up at the dark, ominous clouds. They matched her mood perfectly. A few tears ran down her face.

It was like this that Katsu found her, sitting there sullenly, her knees drawn up to her chest. "You okay, Kerri?"

"What's it matter to you?" She didn't look at him, just continued to stare at the gathering clouds.

"I…" He paused, "I was worried about you. You seemed pretty angry when you left."

"I'm always angry." She said coldly.

"Kerri…"

"What?!" She asked sharply, turning to face him. He was looking up at her seriously, his dark turquoise eyes full of sadness. Some of her anger melted away. "Katsu…" He really was worried about her. "I'm so sorry."

"Come down from there. It's going to rain."

She slid off the wall, stood before him. He was a good five inches taller than her and she gazed up at his face. He smiled slightly, a hand on her shoulder. His touch felt warm and inviting. She could feel her face getting slightly pink. Her eyes prickled with tears. _Some one cared about her_. "…I always thought that no one cared."

"I care about you. You're my friend, right?"

__

Friend? She felt all the color drain from her face. He wasn't supposed to say that. Tokio said he liked her. He sure wasn't acting like it. Her eyes clouded and she was blinded by tears. Before she knew it, she was crying uncontrollably on the sidewalk outside the mall.

Katsu, not realizing that she wished for him to be more than just her friend, thought she was upset about everything that had happened through the course of the evening. Sojiro was her best friend. Of course she would be upset after seeing him go nuts like that. He hated to see her cry. It didn't seem right for her to be in tears. It wasn't fair. She didn't deserve any of the crap she got.  


He drew her into his arms, hugging her to him. _It's okay to do this, _he reassured himself, _she won't think I'm being weird. She's upset; I can hug her. She won't assume it means I like her. I know she doesn't like me like that anyway…_

__

God, he's hugging me! Have I died and gone to heaven? Kerri was slightly surprised to feel his arms around her. Fresh tears filled her eyes and she buried her face in his shoulder.

"So what's this?"

Crystal's voice snapped them both back to reality. The chubby blond was standing in the doorway, her arms folded across her chest. "Every one's been worried about you, Kerri."

Once it registered in his brain that Kerri was still in his arms, Katsu released her and took a step back, his face flushed red. How much had Crystal seen? And what was she doing there anyway? She didn't give a damn about Kerri.

"Every one hasn't been worried about me." Kerri muttered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She knew that they didn't care. They just pretended to look good. Sojiro cared about her. So did Katsu. The rest…They didn't give a shit. "I'm going home."

"Home? Wait, Kerri, how are you going to get home?" Katsu asked quickly. He didn't want to see her leave, not just yet. Not until he was sure she was okay.

"I'll walk."

"It's gonna rain!"

"So what?"

"I'll drive her." Crystal offered.

Kerri looked at her suspiciously. Why was Crystal offering her a ride?

"I've got the Neon and I need to get home soon anyway. You know, junior license and all. Can't stay out later than ten. Besides, Saito and Tokio left already. They brought you, but they can't take you home if they're gone, can they?"

It was Katsu's turn to look at the girl suspiciously. What was she trying to pull? He knew she was bad news and she and Sano were plotting something. Something involving Kerri.

"I'd rather walk and get drenched in the rain than ride in your damn car." Kerri spat out. Then she stormed away in a huff.

"Good going." Katsu glared at Crystal a moment, then set off after Kerri.

The other girl smiled to herself. Everything was going perfectly. Kerri Mortisen was just agitated enough to get in a fight with Katsuhiro if he didn't leave her alone. That would set him off yelling; he tended to lose his head on occasion. Kerri could be stubborn and Katsuhiro would not like that. Perfect…

Sojiro, meanwhile, was reminding his companions about Kerri's suicide attempt. "She slit her wrist after a particularly bad day at school. Her mother found her unconscious in the bathtub, the water red with blood." A queer smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he related the tale, "They packed her off to Sunny Side because the doctors at the hospital said she needed professional help. She was a wandering soul." His eyes, if possible, became even wider and more innocent looking as he spoke, "She became me that year. She became lost and alone, with no one to help her. Her parents turned a blind eye. Her friends -all of you- don't even remember. No one protected her. You say you will and you keep on saying it until something happens," His dark gaze turned to Kenshin, "Then when it happens, you're nowhere to be found."

The red-head stared at Sojiro. He still seemed slightly off-kilter, but what Sojiro said was true enough to send chills down his spine. He truly had forgotten all about Kerri missing a month of school two years ago. She was weak that she had tried to take her own life, and where had he been? Not there to help her. A frown crossed his face.

"You understand now? You understand, Kenshin? Kerri is weak like me. But she could be so wonderful." His smile widened and his eyes crinkled shut, "She could do great things with the help of the strong. I know this about her. I am the same way."

"Wait a minute, Sojiro! This isn't Kenshin's fault." Kaoru burst out, "He was never mean to Kerri. None of us were." A pause, "Well, maybe Sano was a jerk sometimes, but he never meant it."

"This isn't about being mean or nice." Sojiro stood there before them, taking them all in; Kaoru in her FHS sweatshirt, her hair in a long ponytail, Kenshin, his hair in his eyes, Sano dressed in his usual wife-beater and jeans. Misao, surprisingly, hadn't said a single word; she just stood there, her eyes wide. Aoshi stood silently beside her, a pensive look on his face. "It's more than that. You can be nice to her until you're sick, but that's different than really accepting who she is."

Misao studied Sojiro as he spoke. Only completing her freshman year, she hadn't been there when her friends were sophomores. She knew nothing of what had happened to the moody girl. Aoshi hadn't told her anything; he tended to keep things to himself. She blinked her large eyes, wondering what it was like to be hurt so badly. Aoshi periodically turned her away, but she knew he would always come back. It didn't hurt so much. But Kerri…every one had turned her away.

"She knows the truth, a truth even I didn't fully understand. She knows that some one only cares about you if they like who you truly are. I thought Shishio cared about me when he taught me to be strong. He made me into something he could care about. But Kerri cared about me even when I was weak." He looked thoughtful for a moment, then continued, "A real friend likes every part of you."

The real blow came here. All this time, Kaoru had considered Kerri Mortisen to be her friend. But there were things about Kerri she hated, from the way she always shut off her heart to the way she could make any one miserable no matter how happy they were. These things were what Kerri was and Kaoru hated them with a passion. She had tried to change the other girl, they all had. No one but Sojiro, nutcase that he was, had accepted every single thing about Kerri. "What do we do?"

"There is nothing to do." Sojiro said softly, a wistful tone in his voice. "It's too late for that. Kerri will always be Kerri and you will never be able to love her as she is. It's far too late. Every one will just keep on being nice until some one stabs her in the back."


	6. Chapter 5: The Last Day of School

Backstabbed: A Rurouni Kenshin - Inu Yasha cross-over fic.

Oh happy day! Four out of five band members are excited about the fic! Casper (back-up guitar), Luke (bass) and Spectre (drums) have read and enjoyed(?) what's been posted so far. D`O`S hasn't read it at all, but that might be a good thing…Chaos-chan's brother would think it very bizarre. I haven't gotten a hold of the singer yet; I don't know his screen name. So I have no input from him.

This chapter has a new addition: Kamatari Honjou. You may be saying "who the hell is that?!" so I'll tell you. Remember the cross-dresser from RK? That would be Kamatari. Not many people know his name. Chaos-chan wrote a talk show spoof featuring him and I decided to add him into my fic. I kinda like him…He's a cutey! ^_^v

-DE

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Kerri's alarm clock went off precisely at six-thirty the next day, same as every morning. She dragged herself out of bed and into the bathroom. This is it, she told herself, the last day of school. I'll only have to see those people again at graduation. Then I will be free…

As she showered, she thought over the argument she had with Katsuhiro the night before. He kept insisting she couldn't walk home alone. She told him she'd done it a million times before. Her parents didn't care at all. She would be fine. He argued against it, saying it wasn't safe. It was dark and cloudy and all she had on was black clothes. She could get hit by a car. No one could see her. So what? Was her come back. No one would miss her. It didn't matter if she was dead. He kept pressing the matter, maintaining the thought that she could not walk half an hour to her house in the dark. The exchange ended with her telling him to go to hell.

She'd come to understand something then. It didn't matter how much she liked him. He would still do things the same as every one else, being concerned only when it looked good. This was something that would never change.

He had been very angry. Undoubtedly, he had learned something about her too. She wasn't all she seemed. She wasn't as quiet and sad. She was strong in the respect that she knew what she wanted and how to get it. She didn't need to be hidden from the world as every one thought. She could indeed stand alone, just as tall, just as strong. Hadn't she proven that to the world already?

Feldspar High was in an uproar that day. People were busy cleaning out lockers, returning text books, library books and other things. Every one had something to do. 

Kerri walked slowly to her locker and spun the lock. Yanking the door open, she surveyed its contents. There wasn't much there. Old assignments, notebooks, texts…No pictures of friends. She didn't have any to put up. The only thing taped to the inside wall was a picture of her and Sojiro that he had doodled in her psychology notebook the previous semester. Written in black Sharpie, in Sojiro's loopy scrawl, was the quote "Nothing's as real as it really seems." He had gotten that from a Random song.

She pulled the picture down and stuck it in a folder in her bag. It was the only thing worth saving. Everything else was trash. Rising, she gathered the papers, notebooks and handouts, then headed into the bathroom. The nearest trashcan was in there and she intended to dump everything and be done with it before first period started.

After her papers settled into the trash can, she turned to leave, pushing the door open with her foot. Then something caught her attention and she stopped, turning back to make sure she'd heard correctly.

Some one was crying.

Four years Kerri had been going to school there and never before had she cared if some one was crying in the bathroom. Usually, it was a prep. Usually, they were upset over some stupid, minute thing. Usually, it didn't matter.

For whatever reason, Kerri crept down to the end stall from where the crying came. She cautiously pushed the door open, expecting to see some blond bimbo crying her eyes out, mascara smeared down her face.

Instead, there sat Misao.

The upperclassman's brow furrowed. It was unusual to find Misao upset over something. She was usually quite the optimist, bounding around the school excitedly, full of energy. However, there was no mistaking the freshman, her long hair pulled back in a braid. It was most definitely Misao.

"Um…" Kerri wasn't sure what to say, "…Are you okay, Misao?"

"He's gonna leave me for good this time…" The girl sobbed, "I'm gonna be all alone…He'll go away…"

Suddenly, Kerri understood. Aoshi was going away in two months and Misao would be stuck there in Feldspar. Of course Misao wouldn't want school to end. She had known it would happen, but she wasn't ready for it. This was the one time the girl couldn't follow her beloved Aoshi where ever he went. "He won't leave you all alone." She lied. It was important that Misao not know the cold, hard truth. Not just yet at least. "He loves you, doesn't he?" Love. Love was just a word. It was something she would never find.

"If he loved me, he wouldn't leave me…" She wiped her eyes and looked up, a miserable expression on her face. Her heart ached. This was true pain like she'd never known before. She hugged herself, trying to block out the hurt.

"Get up!" Kerri demanded, "Sitting here in a toilet stall isn't going to help any." _God, what am I saying? I've really lost it now_. "You've got to tell Aoshi how you feel about this."

"I can't. Going to Broadview has been his dream since he was ten. He won't give that up for me. I want him to be happy there and not think of me hating him for leaving."

So this was love. Misao was throwing aside her heart to keep Aoshi happy. Most people didn't learn anything on the last day of school. Kerri learned what true love was. It was putting aside yourself for some one else. That was love.

Kerri's eyes went wide as she offered Misao a hand. She was seeing herself reflected in the girl's eyes, all the anguish, the pain, it was all there, all hidden by the smile Misao was forcing. 

Misao washed her face and looked in the mirror. "I look terrible. Aoshi's going to know I was crying." She fretted, "I can't let him think I'm upset." She dug in her bag for cover-up and mascara, then touched up her make-up.

The older teen watched with interest as Misao made herself pretty for Aoshi. Then she picked up her bag and smiled at Kerri. "Thanks." She pushed the heavy door open.

"I understand now." Kerri said quietly as she followed the freshman out of the bathroom. "I understand everything." She saw something in Misao that was unexplainable; some deep devotion, the same devotion she saw everyday from Sojiro. But he was her friend; she didn't like him like that, no matter how much he did for her.

"Did you have a good cry last night, Kerri?"

"Naraku!" She turned to face the boy. Looking at him was like gazing into a mirror. As much as Kerri despised the demonic teenager, she couldn't deny how alike they looked. Both were thin and pale, with scraggly hair and dark eyes. They always wore black and always looked like they could use an extra hour of sleep. Naraku was just about the only person in the whole school whom Kerri felt more sorry for than herself.

"What did Sesshomaru think I would do to you?" He asked bleakly, "Why was he afraid of me?"

"Naraku…" What she saw in his eyes then was something other than malice. He looked almost _sad_.

"You and I are one in the same, Kerri. Neither of us belongs here in Feldspar. You understand this. You know it's true." He edged towards her, drawing his face very close to hers as he had the night before. "_You are me_."

She felt terror wash over her. Naraku was so cold and empty, so frightening. "No." She whispered, "No; I'm not like you." _I have dreams. I have hopes. I'm leaving this God-awful place in August. I'm not like him at all_…She pushed him away. "Don't get near me, you demon. I'll never be like you. I have a heart."

"So do I." He drew back a little, "And much like yours, it was destroyed and blackened."

"I don't have a black heart!"

"Stop fighting it. You know it's true. No matter how much you deny it, you're like me. Unlovable. Unwanted. Misunderstood. You feel it everyday, that feeling that you should be somewhere -anywhere- else. Because no one here loves you. Welcome to the dark side of the moon, Kerri Mortisen."

"Stop it!" 

"It's true."

She stared at him, a sinking feeling in her heart. Naraku was right. No one there loved her. Not her parents, not her so-called friends, not any one. Her eyes widened with horror. This couldn't be. She wasn't like Naraku. 

"_This is how I feel after weeping such a great deal. Have you ever cried so much that your eyes have dried?_"Sojiro came flouncing down the hall, singing a Random tune. His voice, slightly girlish, distracted Naraku and disrupted his chain of thought. At the sight of Kerri's best friend approaching, the junior scowled and disappeared into a sea of students moving down the main corridor.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, Kerri. What's wrong?" Sojiro stopped before her, his book bag slung over one shoulder and bulging with papers.

"I hate Naraku…" She grumbled.

"Who doesn't?" He smiled cheerfully, his head tipped to one side as if trying to understand what was bothering her.

"He makes me think to much. I always get so frustrated when he tells me things because they go against everything I've ever believed."

"Ah, I see. Just like me and Kenshin. I used to get so angry listening to him talk. But that was before…" He just sort of trailed off, but then, he didn't need to say more. Kerri knew he was referring to Makoto Shishio, the man who had corrupted him in his youth.

"Don't worry about it, Sojiro. After today, I'll never have to see him again. I'll never have to see any of them."

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too. But we'll visit, right? Skeeverton and Fairbrook are only an hour apart."

"Yeah…but it won't be the same." He heaved a sigh, "Remember all those nights I hid in your attic?"

"Yup. I had to do something…You certainly couldn't sleep outside. Your family was so rotten to you and you were my only friend. It wasn't your fault, what your dad did with your mom. It didn't seem fair to me, even back then."

"See why I'll miss you? You understand me."

She smiled sadly. She truly would miss the boy. He was like a brother to her. "You understand me too. I promise I'll make a big sacrifice on my part and call you all the time."

"Thanks." He smiled happily.

She tried to force a smile. The thought of leaving Sojiro was not a pleasant one. He was, after all, her only friend. What would she do without him? Who would she cry to? How could he leave her?

"Hey; Kerri, Sojiro…C'mon! It's time for the Pep Rally!" Kagome breezed by, her hair in a ponytail flying behind her. She was dressed in her cheerleading uniform and smiling broadly.

"You go on ahead." Kerri said quietly. She had no desire to go to the pep rally, but knew it was inevitable. She just wanted to delay it a while. "I have a book to return to the library before I forget." She turned towards the library, "See you guys later."

Sesshomaru was not in the library. Kerri searched for him for a while before remembering that he would already be in the gym. Band members went early to warm up. He needed to make sure his cello was in tune.

She returned her book and headed out the door. The halls were empty then; every one must've been in the gym already. She plodded down towards the room, thinking to herself about how everything would change once she left.

The pep rally dragged on. Kerri thought she would never get to leave. The day was over as soon as the damn pep rally ended. She fidgeted in on the bleachers, impatient to get home. She hated pep rallies, hated the idea of school spirit and hated the cheerleaders. They were too perky for her.

She looked around. Sojiro was sitting with Kenshin and his friends. Sesshomaru was with the rest of the band down on the floor. His brother, Miroku and Sango were all sitting near the cheerleaders and yakking away with Kagome. Every one had some one to hang out with, even Naraku. He and Kikyo were loitering near the door looking bored. 

She sighed. _Being alone sucks_.

Glancing to the top row of the bleachers, she saw one other person all alone: Kamatari Honjou. He was perched in the corner, staring off into space, a dreamy look on his girlish face. Kamatari was not some one Kerri knew well. In fact, she hardly knew he existed most of the time. He didn't have a single class with her in the four years she attended Feldspar. Not too many people enjoyed Kamatari's presence. He was loud and somewhat obnoxious and also a known cross dresser. People thought he was weird. 

Kerri crept up the bleachers, dragging her book bag behind her. After four years, she had a sudden urge to talk to the would-be girl. "Hi." She said quietly.

Kamatari looked at her, blinking his brownish-orange eyes. "Yes?"

"Um, we don't know each other but…My name is Kerri. I saw you all alone up here and I was alone too…"

"I like your shirt. It's cute."

"What? Oh, thanks."

Kamatari's gaze wandered up towards the ceiling. "I know who you are. You're Sojiro's friend. He really likes you."

"I didn't know you knew Sojiro."

"Yeah, we go way back. Both of us thought the world of Shishio…Guess I still do. Sojiro's matured beyond that though. He's his own man now. I suppose I'm still trying to be Shishio's woman." He sighed, then turned to look at Kerri. "You're a pretty thing. Why are you wasting your time? What are you waiting for? Sojiro's not going to feel the way he does about you forever."

She felt her face growing red. "We're just friends."

"Oh, that's right. You've got a thing for the artist. Word to the wise: don't lie to yourself. Who are you trying to fool? The world? Or your own heart. Sojiro will always be there for you, but he may get tired of waiting and when you realize what he means to you it will be too late. Don't settle for less than you deserve."

"But-"

"Don't give me 'buts.' Don't say you love the artist. Love is a tricky thing. It's not always what it appears. Sometimes it's completely different. Don't let Sojiro suffer any more because you don't 'love' him."

"Kamatari, you don't understand."

"No, you don't understand. I know what it's like to love someone so much you'll do anything for them _even if they don't love you back_. I know what it's like to be rejected." He looked at her for a moment, daring her to say something back.

She stared at her hands where they lay in her lap. 

Kamatari frowned. Kerri's shoulders were shaking. She seemed upset. Her long hair fell over her face, hiding her expression. He could guess that she was crying. He'd cried the same way before.

"Why does it have to hurt so much?" She whispered, "Why? Why can't he love me? Why can't any one?"

"Sweetie, you've got to love yourself first. Who's going to love you if you don't love yourself?"

Kerri sighed. It was hard to love herself when she was so screwed up. It was hard to love herself when no one else did. "I'll try, but I don't think I can do that."

"I didn't say it would be easy." Kamatari said slowly, "I just said you need to do it." He paused, "Oh, look, the band's packing up. We can leave now." A smile crossed his face, "It was nice meeting you, Kerri."

"Yeah, you too." Kerri surprised herself by saying this. She truly meant it. Kamatari was very nice. "You think…Maybe we can hang out together over the summer? Like, go to the mall or something?"

"I'd like that." He grinned, "You could use some new clothes. Clothes with color in them. I've seen you around. You're always so depressing."

"I'm always depressed."

"Well, we'll take care of that." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and scribbled something on it, "Here's my number."

"I'll call you later." She slipped the paper into her bag, "See you, Kamatari."

"Bye, Sweetie."

Kerri watched with interest as the boy wandered out of the gym. He intrigued her to no end. How could any one wander around like that, dressed as the opposite sex? He must have had so much confidence. Every one had thought Kamatari was a girl for the first two years of high school. Not many people knew he was a guy.

Feeling unusually happy, the girl sauntered out of the building. She would be back only twice more; once for prom -if she went- and for graduation. She'd made a new friend, she never had to see any of her old "friends" again and she was done with school. Life was surprisingly good.


	7. Chapter 6: Evening Plans

"What are you doing tonight?" Kerri was lounged in her dad's recliner, Wu curled up on her lap. It was late afternoon, she'd been home for about two hours, and she was on the phone with Sojiro.

"It's Kenshin's birthday. We're going out. You wanna come?"

"Nah…I've already got plans."

"You have plans?" An amazed tone filled the boy's voice.

"I'm going out with Kamatari."

"Kamatari? I didn't know you knew each other."

"We were talking during the pep rally. I'm going to the mall with him." She could picture the look on Sojiro's face. He would be stunned by the fact that Kerri had made friends with the school's drag queen. The mental image she had of them caused her to smile. 

"You're going shopping with Kamatari? Are you insane? He has a way different style than you do."

"It'll be fun."

"Kerri, are you feeling okay? You're acting pretty queer."

"I'm fine."

"This is so unlike you, going out two nights in a row. And with him of all people? You've lost your mind. I mean, I can hardly believe this. Wow." 

"What's the big deal? You're friends with people nothing like you. I mean, Kenshin and his pals certainly don't believe in all the same things as you."

"Yeah…"

"Where are you guys headed tonight?" She smoothly steered the subject away from herself and Kamatari.

"The diner and then a movie."

"Oh. The usual, huh?"

"Yup."

"Kenshin's…what? Nineteen? I didn't know it was his birthday."

"Yeah. Poor guy, it's always the last day of school on his birthday."

"Could be worse. Mine was on Friday the thirteenth once."

"I remember that." Sojiro laughed, "It was when you turned thirteen. Any way, since you'll be at the mall and we're going to the theater there, maybe I'll see you later."

"Okay. And I can't wait to see every one's face when they see me with Kamatari. It'll blow their minds."

"Well, you have fun, Kiddo. I'll talk to you later."

"See ya, Sojiro." She set the phone down and looked down at her cat. "Well, Wu, tonight should be interesting. I'm going out with a gay cross-dresser and I may be running into the people who consider themselves my friends. This may be more interesting than last night."

"Mrow?" Wu blinked his cobalt eyes and yawned.

"Yeah, Kamatari would probably like you." She scratched him behind the ears, "You're such a pretty cat. He likes pretty things."

The Siamese rubbed against her hand. She stroked his glossy fur as she thought about what she was going to do with herself. Kamatari, Sojiro and Katsuhiro…all of them were people she liked a lot. Sojiro loved her, according to Kamatari. She liked Katsu but he was always indifferent towards her. And Kamatari…how did he fit into all of this? It was all too confusing. She sighed, sinking down farther in the chair.

"I'm home, Sweetheart!"

Kerri was jolted awake by her mother's voice. She had been having a dream involving Sojiro and Katsu and the concert in which she went with Katsu and Sojiro declared his love for her from the stage. "Mom…?" She blinked, rubbing her eyes. Kamatari called her "Sweetie" while her mom called her "Sweetheart." She certainly didn't feel like a sweet anything. 

"Oh, were you asleep? I'm sorry; I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay. Um, I'm going out again tonight."

"You and your friends are celebrating the end of school?"

"No, I'm not going out with them. I made a new friend today, Kamatari Honjou."

"Oh, I've seen her around. She's a cute one, but she's really loud and aggressive."

"Um, Mom-"

"But I'm glad you're making more friends."

"Mom."

"Where are you going? How are you getting there? I don't want you out too late."

"Mom!"

"What?"

"Never mind." Kerri sighed. _It might be better_, she thought, _to not tell Mom that Kamatari's a guy. He would freak her and Dad out too much. It's better if they keep thinking he's a girl. We'll only be hanging out for a couple months before we go to college._ "I'm leaving in an hour or so. Kamatari's picking me up. I'll be home no later than midnight. Okay?"

"I guess so. Just be careful. I don't want the two of you picking up any strange guys or anything."

"Mom…" She rolled her eyes. While it was possible that Kamatari would try to pick up a guy, Kerri didn't think he would try anything while they were together. He was a strange guy himself, but he -hopefully- wouldn't subject her to that.

She was watching the Simpsons when the doorbell rang. She shoved Wu off her lap and ran to open the door before either of her parents could.  


Too late. Her dad was standing there talking to Kamatari. "So you're Kamatari? You've got good fashion sense. Maybe you could give my daughter some tips. She's always wearing black."

"Oh, sure, Mr. Mortisen." The boy smiled, "Don't worry about it. We're going shopping. I'll get some color on her."

"Hi Kamatari." Kerri said pointedly. 

"Oh, hey, Sweetie. Ready to go?"

"Sure." She looked at her father, "Daddy, can I have some money?"

"Of course." He pulled his wallet from his pocket and handed her fifty dollars. "Have a good time, you two."

"Bye Daddy."

"Bye Mr. Mortisen."

"Good bye. It was nice meeting you, Kamatari."

"You too." He waved as Kerri dragged him out the door.


	8. Chapter 7: Shopping and Prom Dates

"My mom and dad think you're a girl." Kerri slumped into the leather seat of Kamatari's purple Beetle. 

"And?"

"They think you're a girl!! What's not to understand about that?" _What if, _she wondered, _what if I wind up liking him? I think I do already…I don't want my parents to think I'm a lesbian_. This whole thing had potential to turn into a big mess. 

"I'm comfortable with who I am." He shrugged, popping a disc into the CD player.

Random drifted out from the speakers.

__

I hear your voice callin',  
I go running back to you.  
Just like an angel that's fallen,  
I had died for you.  
Oh where, oh where did I go wrong?

"I like this song. I hope they play it at the concert."

"Oh, you like Random?" Kerri was surprised by this. He didn't seem the type to like a rock band like Random. She could picture him listening to pop.

"I love Random." He smiled, "They're really good."

"Yeah." He was surprisingly easy to talk to. She hadn't felt so at ease near another person in a long time. Even Sojiro made her nervous sometimes. She never knew what would set him off. Kamatari had no strange quirks that she could see other than his homosexual tendencies. She had never thought she would be so comfortable with a gay person.

They trounced around the mall together, Kamatari picking out things he thought would look good on Kerri and forcing her to try them on. Most of them were bright and cheery, stuff she could never picture herself wearing. 

"I feel like such a prep!" She laughed after parading out of a fitting room in one particular outfit, "This is so not my style."

"You look so cute!"

"How come you're not trying anything on?" Kerri giggled as she looked at herself in a mirror. She was wearing khakis and a white button down shirt with a sugar pink sweater over it. "This might look better in black." She commented.

"No more black!" He chided her, "Although the pants might look good in gray. Gray and pink look all right together. And I'm not trying anything on because I have a lot of clothes already." He picked up a floppy bucket hat from a shelf and plopped it on her head.

"Kamatari!" She laughed, pushing the hat up off her eyes, "You're going to make me look so preppy!"

"You could be so cute if you put a little more thought into your wardrobe. You'd be chasing the guys away."

"I'm not cute…Not like you." She disappeared back into the dressing room, "You'll always be a prettier girl than me and you aren't even a girl."

"Give yourself a little credit, Sweetie. You're really pretty. You're just so depressing all the time. That's why we're perking up the wardrobe a little."

"I love you, Kamatari. You're such a good friend." She reappeared back in her normal clothes, a bluish-black tank and jeans.

"You love me?" The cross-dresser blinked.

She blushed. "Well, you know what I mean. I feel like I've known you for a long time."

"I know what you mean." A very adorable smile crossed his face, "You're easy to get along with. I don't know why every one avoids you."

She felt her heart melt at his expression. He was so _cute_. And he was nice to her too. She thought she would have been more repulsed by the idea of a gay man, but he was so charming and polite. Suddenly, she wanted to hold his hand. "Can…Can I…" She hesitated, "…Never mind."

"Oh? What is it, Sweetie?"

"Nothing." She picked up her purse and slung it over her shoulder, "Come on, I'm hungry."

"Well, let's go get something to eat then."

"Hey, Kerri, over here!" Kagome caught sight of the dark, angst-ridden girl as soon as she and Kamatari wandered into Friendly's. It surprised her to see Kerri out and about again, much less with that other girl. She'd seen the other girl around school, but didn't know they were friends.

Kerri looked around when she heard her name. Kagome, Inu Yasha, Miroku and Sango were in a corner booth together and Kagome was waving at her. "C'mon, Kamatari." She dragged the boy over to their table.

"Hello, Kerri." Sango said to her, "Who's your friend?"

"This is Kamatari." Kerri rolled her eyes. She hated all the formality that came with introductions, "That's Sango, Kagome, Inu Yasha and Miroku."

The cross-dresser waved a cheerful hello to all of them, then grinned when his gaze came to rest on Miroku. "Got a girlfriend yet?" He asked teasingly.

"Not exactly…" The other boy's face turned slightly red and he glanced furtively at Sango, "How about you?"

"Miroku…" Sango looked perplexed, "Why would she want a girlfriend?" She blinked her dark eyes.

"Kamatari is a guy, Sango." Miroku sighed.

"A guy? Seriously?" She looked at the upperclassman, studying his pretty face. Then a thought crossed her mind and her face turned very red. She looked sharply at Miroku. "You didn't! …Did you??"

"Well, um…" 

"You sicko!" She whacked him over the head.

"I didn't know, okay?" He defended himself.

Kamatari giggled. "Yeah, he asked me out. Back in tenth grade. There weren't very many people then who knew I'm a guy. But he's not really my type and, anyway, I was infatuated with Shishio back then."

Inu Yasha and Sango looked horrified. Kagome's face palled slightly and Miroku sank down in his seat.

Kerri laughed. She was amused by all of this. Kamatari's attitude towards everything was so blithe. He didn't care what other people thought of him, whether they liked him or not and if they pointed or stared, that was fine with him. He looked good as a girl and that was all that mattered to him. She wanted to be like that, unconcerned about what the rest of the world thought of her.

"So, what are you two doing here?" Kagome recovered enough to ask.

"We're just hanging out." Kerri said nonchalantly, "He says I should get colorful clothes for when I go away, so we're shopping."

"You want to eat with us? We just ordered."

Kerri looked at Kamatari. He shrugged. She turned back to the cheerleader. "I guess so. Scoot over."

"I will not eat with _that _here!" Inu Yasha grumbled, folding his arms across his chest. He wouldn't look at Kamatari, much less move over to make room for the two seniors in the booth.

"Inu Yasha!" Kagome frowned menacingly, "What is your problem??"

"He's a sicko…A queer…I don't wanna eat with him."

Kerri's eyebrow twitched. "What are you…Shut up, you moron! He never did anything to you."

"It's okay, Sweetie." Kamatari patted her on the shoulder, then looked down at the boy, "You have nothing to worry about. I don't go after puppies like you. You're _definitely _not my type."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Inu Yasha jumped up from his seat, his fist clenched.

"Will you sit down and quit causing a scene?" Kagome buried her face in her hands, "Move over and let them in. You don't have to sit by him. God, I never knew you were a homophobe. I knew you had a lot of quirks but…Just sit down."

"No way!"

"You're so stubborn!"

"Bite me."

"Look, we don't have to sit here." Kamatari's voice put an end to their argument, "If you're that opposed to it, we can go somewhere else. Kerri looks like she's about to blow a fuse, so it would be good for us not to stay.

"No, you can sit here. Inu Yasha is outnumbered any way, so stay." She dragged him over in the seat, "Kerri, you'd better sit next to him. The last thing we need is him picking a fight with Kamatari."

Inu Yasha's dark eyes narrowed and he sat in stony silence, glaring across the table. Kerri plopped down cautiously next to him and Kamatari pushed her over to sit next to her, a cheerful smile on his face. 

The cross-dressing boy soon struck up a conversation with Kagome and Sango about clothes while Kerri watched, amazed. She was intrigued by the fact that they didn't seem to care that here was a guy prattling on like a girl. Even Miroku looked a little bit miffed by the behavior of his female companions and he sat there blinking. 

Finally, he turned his attention to Kerri. "Are you going to the prom?" He asked her.

She shook her head. "Uh-uh. Sojiro and I were going to go together, but he has college orientation next weekend and can't go. He'll be in Fairbrook. Besides, that's not my sort of thing." She paused for a moment, "Are you going?"

"Of course. And I'm taking Sango."

"Really?" Her eyebrows went up.

"Oh, yeah." Sango joined the conversation, "But I warned him. Any funny business and he's dead."

Kerri snickered. Miroku would be all over Sango. She wouldn't be safe on prom night. Either that, or Miroku would be murdered by her.

"Are you going, Kamatari?" Miroku asked pointedly. He was a little curious about whether or not the homosexual boy would go and what he would wear if he did -Dress? Or tux?

He shook his head, his hair bouncing around his face. "Nope. No date. And I had a pretty new dress too."

"Kerri has no date." Kagome said slowly.

"Don't remind me, you little-" Kerri began, her mood swinging to a new low, but Kagome continued quickly, cutting her off.

"I didn't mean to insult you. If you'd let me finish, you'd understand."

"Go on…"

"Kamatari also has no date. Why don't you go together?"

Go together? Kerri blinked. She looked at Kamatari. He looked rather pensive, as if mulling over this new idea. Then he smiled. "I'd like that."

More blinking. Kerri's mind was racing. How could she possibly go with Kamatari? What would people say? More than ever, they would get the wrong idea of her. Half the senior class still believed Kamatari was a girl…they would be seen as…Did it really matter any more? Her thoughts were a jumbled mess. She did want to go, but not alone. Did she want to go with the school's only homosexual? What to do? 

"All right. I'll go with you." She surprised even herself by saying it. She wasn't sure what exactly she wanted to prove by doing this. Her emotions and feelings at that point weren't clear. Katsuhiro, Kamatari, Sojiro…Whom did she truly want to be with? Who could she trust?

Who would be least likely to stab her in the back?


	9. Chapter 8: In Deep

"Prom dress for Kerri…" Kamatari hummed to himself three days later as he rustled through a rack of dresses in Sears. 

"Don't you dare pick out any of those bright colors." Kerri growled. He had been pouring through all the dresses, every now and then holding out a pink or turquoise frock. They'd been to three other stores already and nothing had met with the brooding girl's approval.

"What do you want, Kerri?" He peered at her from around a rack of red gowns.

"Black. And velvet." She informed him.

"Oh, no more black." He went back to rummaging through the clothes, mumbling to himself. Then he let out a little squeal, "How 'bout purple?"

"Let me see." She sighed. He was hopeless when it came to clothes. Everything he liked, she did not. They had such different tastes.

He held out a plum colored, floor length gown made of a rich velour. A split ran up the side to about knee length and it had thin, off-the-shoulder straps. It was gorgeous. "Ooo…It's beautiful." She breathed, "How much is it?"

"You're in luck. It's on sale." He brandished the price tag, marked "clearance" and naming a price of fifty bucks, "Look, there's a little hole here, see?" He pointed to a small split in the seam.

"Mom could fix that…" She took the hanger and examined it. "I wanna try it on. C'mon."

The two made their way to the dressing room and she wriggled into the gown. It looked even better when on her, as if that dress had been made for her. It was slinky and clingy in all the right places and the color made her hair look even darker.

"Oh, Sweetie, you look stunning." Kamatari grinned as Kerri paced back and forth in front of the mirrors.

"You think so?" She looked at herself, scrutinizing her reflection.

"I know so."

She looked over her shoulder at him, a seductive smile on her lips. "Think I could get a man wearing this?" She questioned in a velvety smooth voice.

Kamatari felt a shiver run down his spine. He hadn't thought of any one as sexy in a long time. Kerri was so bold with him. It made him wonder…_Perhaps I've been wrong all these years…_He was intrigued by her. He wanted to know more about her; everything about her. "I think you could get any man you want wearing that." He finally responded.

"Even you?" Her tone was teasing, but her eyes betrayed her voice. There was a far away longing in her dark eyes, as if she wanted him then and there.

He felt his throat constrict. There was no way to answer that because he simply wasn't sure any more. He had spent all of Saturday and all of Sunday with Kerri and the more time he spent with her, the more time he wanted to spend with her. "Kerri, I-"

"What are you so serious for?" Her smile faded and she looked perplexed, "I was only teasing. I know you like men."

He watched as she ventured back into the stall to change. _What is wrong with me? _He frowned at his own reflection in the mirror. _What am I thinking? What would she possibly see in me anyway? She obviously doesn't like girls if she's after Katsuhiro and I'm about as feminine as they come. _He sighed. Why was life so complicated?

"What's wrong, Kamatari?" Kerri came back out of the stall, the dress draped over one arm. The would-be girl looked very serious and thoughtful. He was typically cheerful and smiling, so this was unusual.

"Oh nothing." He forced a smile. There was a lot on his mind, a lot involving himself and Kerri and his sexual orientation. 

There was something bothering him and Kerri knew it. He wasn't like this. She had learned that he was ever the optimist, never letting anything get him down even though there was much drama in his life. She frowned. "You sure?"

"I'm okay." He insisted. "Are you going to buy that?" He changed the subject before she could question him any more.

Her frown deepened. Something was terribly wrong with him. But he had changed the subject and she would accept that. "Yeah. I still have some money from the other night. I have some shoes that would look good with it and this little velour purse with a dragon embroidered on it."

His smile as she got more and more excited was a real one. He wanted her to be happy. Kerri wasn't the kind of girl who deserved to suffer. She had been through so much already simply because people were so mean to her. And why they were mean to her…that he didn't understand. She was a sweetheart. A doll. He wanted to hide her; take her away from all of the pain. She was such a beautiful girl.

They had lunch curled up together in a booth at Taco Bell. Any one who saw them would think they were simply the best of friends, they were so close with one another. Kerri was happy to have a friend whom she could confide in. The way she felt about Kamatari still troubled her, but she couldn't let him go. Even after only three days, she felt like she'd known him all her life.

Crystal found them giggling over soft tacos and nachos. Kamatari was laughing, his short hair falling into his eyes, his face flushed pink and Kerri was hunched over, laughing, her shoulders shaking. She looked up, smiling, and Crystal was amazed by how different the brooding girl looked when she smiled. Had Katsuhiro seen that smile? Or Sano, for that matter? Kerri was beautiful when she smiled.

"You seem happy. I didn't know you liked queers so much." She muttered snidely.

Kerri's face instantly darkened. "What do you want, Crystal?"

"You don't need to be so rude." She sat down uninvited, across from the couple, "I was just a little surprised to see you here with _him_."

"We're just friends." 

"So, going to the prom, either of you?"

"We're going together." Kamatari said absently, dipping a nacho in the cheese, "Kerri wanted to go, but not alone, right Sweetie? So we're going together as friends."

She nodded warily, then looked at Kamatari and smiled. He was so good to her. He made her feel like nothing else mattered but being with him. Looking at him there, frowning at Crystal, her heart fluttered. _I want to be with him forever…_

"You know what people are going to think of you, right?" Crystal smiled slyly, "A lot of people think you're a girl still."

"It doesn't matter." He dismissed her pleasantly, "As long as Kerri doesn't care, I don't care. We know the truth." He shrugged, taking a bite of a taco, "So what does it matter to any one else?"

"Suit yourselves. If you want others to see you as a lesbian couple, I guess there's not much I can do about it."

"Are you going?" Kerri snarled.

"Of course."

"With a date?" The question was direct and to the point.

Crystal scowled. "No."  
  
"Well, at least I have a date then." A smirk crossed Kerri's pale face and she brushed a lock of hair from her eyes, "You done eating, Kamatari? I'm ready to go."

"Okay." He nodded, sliding out of the booth and picking up his trash, "Let's go, Sweetie." He looked over his shoulder, "So long, Crystal."

"Why do you hate her so much, Kerri? What did she do to you?" He asked her later as they wandered around the mall. She was still frowning, her face still darkened by hatred.

"Do you remember when I tried to kill myself sophomore year?" She asked quietly.

"Vaguely." He frowned, trying to recall just what circumstances had revolved around that situation. Every one had been in the dark about what happened to Kerri then, even Sojiro had no clue what had set her off.

"I had once thought Crystal was my friend. She listened to me and tried to give me advice and she acted like she was some one I could trust. Sojiro, he told me not to. He told me she was bad news. I was so happy to have a friend, I didn't listen. I was having a bad day and it only got worse when I found out what she'd been doing. When I found out…" She dropped her gaze to the floor, her dark eyes welled with tears.

"What happened? What did you find out, Kerri?" Kamatari asked her urgently. He had a feeling that what she was hesitant to say would reveal a lot about why she was the way she was.

"She was using it all against me, everything I told her. She made this webpage where every one else at school could read all the things I told her. They all just used everything against me. I went home that day and I filled the bathtub with warm water. Then I took my mom's box cutter and I got in the tub with all my clothes on. Mom found me later, unconscious, the water a brilliant crimson. She took me to the hospital and they saved me." She looked up, her eyes full of anguish, "I wanted to die and they made me live."

"Oh, Sweetie…I am terribly sorry." He looked devastated. How could any one do that to her?

"It was just like the song, Kamatari. It was just like the song…She stabbed me in the back. She took all of my feelings and threw them away. She took everything from me. Nobody cared. I wanted to know what I could do after I had died. I stopped caring. Nothing mattered any more. I still cry over it, but I don't really care. Nothing is real…" She began to cry, her tears running off her face and creating dark spots on her gray top.

"Sweetie, come here." He pulled her into his arms, hugging her close. "I understand. It's okay. I'm so sorry. I wish I had been there for you." 

She rested her head against his chest, tears threatening to fall. "What did I do wrong? I can't stand it here. I can't get rid of the memories. I thought I was happy with you, but I can't forget. I can't erase it all from my mind and start over. I just…I…I want to be free…"

"You are free. That's why you're here now. That's why you're alive." He brushed back her hair, his eyes meeting hers, "That's why I am able to care so much for you…"

She stared at him, tears still dripping off her chin. He looked so serious; so intense. Her heart pounded against her rib cage and she felt like she could no longer control her own mind. "Thank you. Thank you for everything…" She sniffled, "For all of you love…Thank you."

"My love…?" He looked at her, perplexed. _What is this? How does she get to me so much? _He was falling. His heart was no longer his own.

"Can you do me a favor?" She wiped her eyes, "Can you kiss me once, just so I know what it's like?"

"But Kerri…" He was at a loss for words. _How does she do this to me??_

"I don't care who sees and what they think. I just want to know…" She looked at him pleadingly.

"Of course." _Anything for you…_"Close your eyes." He didn't want her to see him blushing. She readily obeyed, her eyes falling shut, her lashes wet with tears. He leaned towards her, his heart beating wildly. He hesitated for a moment, swallowing the lump rising in his throat.

Their lips met and he felt her tense slightly. Then she relaxed, leaning into the kiss. Her hands trembled and she steadied herself by clutching his arm. He drew back a little and she seemed almost reluctant to break their kiss.

__

That was amazing…She looked at him, a shaky smile on her face. _But what if he doesn't feel the same way? What if that meant nothing to him? What if he did it just because I asked him to? I want him to mean it…_Her heart ached.

__

She wants it! His brain felt ready to explode. _She didn't want to let go. I'm in deep here._

Way deep.


	10. Chapter 9: Mothers

"What were you doing while you were at the mall, Kerri Mortisen?" 

That was not good greeting to receive. Kerri's mother was at the door when the brooding girl returned home. She cringed. "I bought a dress for prom."

"You know that's not what I mean!" Her mother exclaimed fiercely, "Anita saw you kissing another girl! Explain yourself!"

"It wasn't…It wasn't what it looked like. Kamatari-"

"You were kissing Kamatari?!" Mrs Mortisen shrieked.

"Yeah, but-"

"Why were you kissing her?"

"Mom, will you listen to me? Kamatari is not a girl!" 

"Do you know how embarrassing this- What?!"

"If you had listened to me the first day I went out with him, you would know this already! I was trying to tell you but you never listen to me!" Kerri screamed in frustration, "You don't listen to me, Mother! You never do! Like when I tried to kill myself and you pretended nothing happened! Or all those times I tried to tell you that Sojiro was in trouble! They beat him! They make him sleep outside! I tried to tell you! You don't listen!"

"When did you…?" Her mom paused, thinking back to that night she had gone out with the homosexual. She did vaguely remember Kerri trying to tell her something that night, but then her daughter had given up.

"I told you I was going out and you said something about Kamatari and I tried to tell you but you just kept talking!"

"Kerri, I-"

"News for you, Mom: Kamatari is a guy! A Guy! And I love him! I don't care how many people think I'm a lesbian or bisexual, I want to be with him!"

"Kerri, why would you…?" Her mother was at a loss for words. She had no clue what to say to this. Her daughter wanted to be with a gay, cross-dressing man? It was too much to handle.

"You don't understand…" Kerri turned her back to her, "How could you understand? You know nothing about me." Her eyes welled up with tears and she stared at the shag carpet, her stringy hair falling across her face. She had expected this, but not so soon. She thought she'd have a little more time to explain. 

Her mother stared at her back. _My God, it's true…I know nothing about my own child. When did I lose her? When…? She's suffering so much. I turned off all the bad things. I didn't want to…No. There's nothing wrong. It's that teenage drama thing. Everything is fine._

"You've got nothing to say?" Kerri's voice came very soft, "I didn't think you would. I'm messed up, Mom, and you don't even care. I'm going to bed." She shuffled wearily down the hall, threw herself onto her bed, buried her face in the pillow and sobbed.

Mrs. Mortisen picked up the discarded shopping bag and peered into it. She pulled out the velour dress, inspecting it carefully. _This is gorgeous…_She looked at the tag, _And she got it real cheap too. She's going to look so beautiful in this and she has no idea…_

Somewhere across town, Kamatari was flitting cheerfully around a small apartment. He had given much thought to the kiss with Kerri and decided he rather enjoyed it. She was such a wonderful girl and he loved her deeply. He couldn't control his smile, he was so happy.

__

Mom's going to want dinner when she gets home…Let's see…Hamburger Helper…He hummed to himself as he pulled out a box and a package of ground beef. "…But I will still love you forevermore. Oh, how I loved your lips; they gave, oh, the sweetest kiss…"

The lock clicked and the door swung open. In trudged his mom, her usual scowl plastered on her face. "You, shut your mouth. You know I don't like that band." She growled.

"Hi, Mom." He ignored her bad mood. She was having one of her turns and it would pass soon enough. She was usually in a funk when she got back from work.

"What the hell are you smiling about?" She asked in an annoyed tone, "I hate when you get that look on your face. It makes me wonder what kind of nasty thoughts you're thinking now."

"I can't help how I am, Mom." He said quietly.

"Don't give me that! I didn't raise you this way. Why can't you be normal like other boys? I understand why your father left and why he didn't want you. What did I do to deserve a queer like you?" She wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"You're just tired. Why don't you sit down? I'm almost done cooking."

She sank into a chair and he looked over his shoulder at her. His poor mother; she seemed so old and worn out. "It's been hard since Dad left last year, hasn't it?" He asked her quietly as he scooped the noodles and beef into a bowl.

His mom laid her head on the table. "What did I do wrong? Tell me, Kamatari, what did I do that was wrong? I tried to be a good mother and a good wife and what did I wind up with? A cheating husband and a son who would rather be a daughter. What didn't I do?"

"Mom, it isn't your fault. I didn't chose this." He set the bowl on the table and pulled a couple of plates and glasses from the cupboard. "But you know, I think I was wrong…"

"What do you mean?" She raised her head and he could see she was trying not to cry.

"There's this girl…"

"A girl?" A hopeful light lit her eyes.

"I met her on the last day of school. She's friends with Sojiro. Her name is Kerri."

"Kerri Mortisen?"

"That's right. You know her?" He blinked his velvety eyes, wondering how on earth his mother could know Kerri.

"I was still working at the hospital when she tried to commit suicide, Kamatari. All the nurses felt so sorry for her. Lovely girl, but her parents don't give a damn about her. Neither does any one else."

He frowned, his face darkening. "I care about her. She accepts me as I am." He sat down across from her at the table, "She's the first person who doesn't think I'm disgusting and she doesn't want to change me. She even wanted me to kiss her today."

"Do you like her?" This was all she had been hoping for: he would meet a girl and change his mind about liking men.

"I don't know…I'm so confused. She's beautiful. She just wants to be loved and I don't know what to do." He ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it from his face. His mind was racing, his thoughts a jumbled mess.

"Kamatari," His mom reached across the table, resting one of her hands on his, "I don't understand everything about you. I don't pretend to understand. But you are my only child and I just want you to be happy. If you like this girl, tell her. Don't pretend you don't because you think you're gay. You've got to follow your heart, wherever it may lead."

He looked up, his eyes meeting hers. His mother had the same sad eyes as he did and they were often sad for the same reason. Both were incredibly lonely. He knew his mother missed his father. He knew his mother cried at night. He knew she just wanted some one to keep her warm all those lonely nights.

A soft, bittersweet smile crossed his face. In the year since his father had left, his mother had not once been so kind. "Thanks, Mom. I think…I think my heart is telling her to chase after her, wherever she goes. I want to be there for her, no matter what. I get a feeling sometimes that things will only get worse for her."

"You're a good boy." She told him, "I know I don't tell you often, but I'm very proud of you. You put your whole heart into everything and that's a very good quality to have."

"I got it from you." His smile widened. He was glad she was no longer angry. The moments like that always passed in due time. "Now let's eat before it gets cold."

__

Mom, you remind me of Kerri. He wanted to tell her this. _You don't know what you want or what you need. All you know is how much the world has hurt you…_


	11. Chapter 10: Phonecalls and Dilemas

"Kerri, you have a phone call!"

Kerri grunted. There were only three people who could possibly be calling her. Sojiro, whom she would be happy to hear from. Kamatari, whom she would be even happier to hear from. Or Crystal, whom she despised.

She was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. A Random CD blared from her stereo, it was up to "Mary-Go-Round" and she was only half listening.

Up to verse three…

__

You pulled me in,  
Convinced me that you cared.  
But when I needed you the most,  
I looked around and you weren't there.  
Does he know the rules yet?  
How you play the game?  
So when it's all over,  
He knows just who to blame.  


Sighing, she rose from her perch on the bed. She could tell her mother that she didn't feel like talking on the phone, but she didn't want Kamatari to think she was mad at him if he was the caller.

"I'm coming." She grumbled. There was no phone in her room. Why would there be? Hardly any one ever called her.

She took the receiver from her mom and placed a hand over the mouthpiece. "Who is it?" She whispered loudly.

"Some boy." Her mother shrugged.

"Sojiro?"

"No, I'd know Sojiro's voice, wouldn't I?" Her mother sounded slightly agitated.

"Hello?" Kerri lifted the phone to her ear, waving her mother away with her other hand.

"Kerri?" A nervous voice at the other end asked.

"Yeah." Confused, she furrowed her brow, "Who's this?"

"Katsu…" A pause, "How are you doing?"

Katsu? Why had he called her?? Her eyes widened as she sank into her father's recliner. "Um…I'm okay. How about you?"

"Fine." Another long pause and uncomfortable silence, "I was wondering…Are you going to the concert in August?"

"I wasn't really planning on it…" She trailed off. The thought had occurred to her, but, like she told Tokio, she didn't want to go alone. She had a notion to wander aimlessly at Field Days and still hear the concert without actually paying for a ticket and being part of the crowd, but, well, she still wasn't sure.

"Would you…Would you like to go with me?"

There was a long silence as she nearly dropped the phone. Go with him? Go with Katsu to the concert?? It was everything Kerri had ever hoped for, everything she'd ever dreamed of. To go with him would be heaven on earth…Except…

Kamatari.

__

You love him. You want him. Even if he was a girl, you would still have loved him. Why would you want to be with any one but him? Because, that shadow of a doubt in the back of her mind whispered, _he likes men. He doesn't want you. You're his friend and nothing more…_

"Kerri? Are you still there?"

She snapped back to reality. "I'm here. I was just thinking. Sorry…Of course I'll go with you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Who else would I go with?" _Kamatari…You want to go with him…_That voice continued to whisper. _You told your mother you want to be with him, now you're going out with some one else…_Guilt washed over her."Could I call you back? I've got a few things to take care of."

Without waiting for an answer, she dropped the phone into the cradle. Then she sat there, a stunned expression on her face. _Katsu just asked me out…I've wanted that for the past five years. He asked me out and I said yes. But I don't love him. I don't think I ever loved him. I never knew love until Kamatari. What am I doing…? _

Her eyes welled up with tears. _Kamatari…I'm sorry. But I know what I mean to you. And it isn't much. Why am I so fucked up? Why is it that when the guy I thought I love finally asks me out I'm in love with the guy that will never love me? What the hell is wrong with me?_

The doorbell rang. Kerri could hear her mom's footsteps down the hall. Then the muffled sounds of her mother talking and a voice responding. Then her mother calling for her. "Kerri? You have a visitor!"

"Coming!" She forced herself to get up, to wipe away the tears. Who the hell could be coming here to see me? Probably Crystal or Sojiro. Who else but…

"Tokio?"

"Um, hello, Kerri." Tokio stood on the stoop, her dark hair pulled back in a lose braid. She was wearing khakis and a lightweight green sweater and standing there, she looked just as pleasant as usual.

"Hi." Why was Tokio always so shy around her? The other girl always seemed so timid around her.

"Can I talk to you about something?" 

"I guess so…Mother, excuse us." She stepped outside, closing the door behind her. It was a clear night, the sky dark and dotted with stars. There was a chill on the air and a slight breeze rustled both of their hair.

"Hajime called me a little while ago with, um, something very interesting to tell me…Kerri, he said that Kamatari kissed you." Tokio blushed, her gaze dropping to her feet.

"He did."

"I don't understand…I though Kamatari liked men. Why…?"

"I asked him to, okay? I wanted to know what it was like because no one has ever kissed me before. No one ever will and I figured I could at least ask a friend to do it so I'd know. He didn't want to do it. I asked him to. And how did Saito find out about it anyway?" She glared at Tokio, feeling that she did not owe the girl the explanation she was giving.

"Sanosuke called him a little while ago. I don't know where he heard about it, but I was concerned. I know you've been spending a lot of time with Kamatari. I've seen his purple Beetle around. Do you love him, Kerri?"

"It's none of your business." She said sharply, a hot blush creeping across her face.

"Oh my God…." One of Tokio's hands rose slowly to her mouth, "You do. You love him. I can see it in your eyes. You've fallen for him."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I understand love, Kerri. I understand that you're frightened. You don't know why you feel this way, but you do. Kamatari, you don't want to love him, but you can't help it. He makes you feel complete. I was the same way with Hajime."

"You don't understand. Saito is nothing like Kamatari. He's kind and gentle and I just…" She began to cry, "I just want to be with him. I don't understand why every one thinks he's so disgusting. He's just a little lost. He doesn't know what he wants. That's not his fault…"

"Kerri…"

"Is it so wrong to want to be with him? I don't care if he loves me or not. It doesn't matter. Just being with him makes me happy. He could desire anything and I would give it to him. Anything he wants. I just want him to be happy…" She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand, "Is that so wrong, to want his happiness and my own?"

"Oh, no, Kerri. There is nothing wrong with wanting happiness. But I'm not so certain about where you're looking for it."

"I didn't go looking for this, Tokio!" She was suddenly very angry, "I didn't ask for this and I certainly didn't try to find it. It just happened and I don't know what to do about it. And I don't know why it's any of your business anyway."

"I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I guess…" Tokio finally raised her eyes to look at Kerri and she could see how distraught the other girl was, "I guess I should go now."

"Yes. You should." Kerri turned back to go into the house, "Good bye."

As soon as she opened the door, there was her father holding the cordless phone. "You have a call, Kerri."

Sighing, she snatched the phone from his hand. "Hello?" She barked into it.

"Why is that I always seem to get you in a bad mood, Kerri?" Came Sojiro's cheerful greeting, "You always yell at me on the phone. I just wanted to see what was up. I heard-"

"You heard about me and Kamatari at the mall. You're going to stick your nose into it too. Word around here spreads quickly, doesn't it?" She said sourly.

"Yup." She could picture his smile and it upset her, "That's the problem with living in a small town. So are you two an item now or something?"

"It doesn't bother you?"

"Why should it?"

She sighed witheringly, "We're not an item, Sojiro. I asked him to kiss me because no one else ever will. I asked it as a favor and he granted my wish. That's all."

"I would have if you asked me. I'm a little hurt. But that's beside the point. I just wanted you to know that people were already spreading it around town. Half of FHS thinks you're a lesbian. The other half just thinks you're even more strange than they previously thought."

"What else is new?" She asked sarcastically, "If you have nothing else to say, I'm hanging up. Today has been kind of crappy. I'm going to bed."

" 'Kay! Good night, Kerri."

"Night, Sojiro." She hung up the phone and glared at it as if daring it to ring again. It did not and she stormed down the hall to her room.

__

This is so bad. She flopped down on the bed still in her clothes. Her head was pounding, her heart ached and she was very confused. _This is terrible…What am I going to do? Why does love hurt so much? And what am I doing, saying I'll go out with Katsu? I don't love him…I don't even know if I like him any more. This is all going to blow up in my face._

Sighing, she rolled over onto her back. She was suddenly very sleepy. _Things will look better tomorrow…I'll talk to Kamatari and explain to him…I'll tell him…I need to do this. Just to make sure…_


	12. Chapter 11: Nothing Matters

Things did not look better the following day.

Kerri woke up with a lot on her mind. Too many things were jumbled together, too many ideas fighting with one another. Katsu, Kamatari, even Sojiro…this whole thing was getting more and more complicated.

She showered, taking her time in the bathroom. Both her parents were gone to work and she would have been alone, were it not for the cats and dog. So she padded down to the kitchen, searching for something to eat, trying to clear her mind. It was a gray, dreary day which matched her mood perfectly.

"I need to talk to Kamatari, Wu." She addressed the cat, "I want to tell him I'm sorry for making him do that yesterday. It wasn't fair to him. But I don't know what the hell to say…"

"Mrow?" Wu blinked his glassy eyes, rubbing against her leg.

She sighed. "You're just a cat. What could you possibly know? There's no one to give me advice though. I'm in this alone. Guess I better just go see him." She was dreading this. Telling him she thought she loved him would be the most embarrassing thing she ever did because for once in her life she cared about what the response would be.

She picked up the phone. It was late enough in the day that he would be awake and functional. She dialed, nearly hanging up after the first ring, but forcing herself to stay on the line. 

"Hello?" He answered after the fifth ring, his voice a sort of high pitched whisper.

"Kamatari?" She raised her eyebrows. He sounded upset and frightened. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, Kerri…Hi. I'm fine." He was still whispering and she wondered what was up, but didn't have a chance to ask. "Mom's in one of her moods. She didn't go to work today because she's got a hang over."

"Oh. Well, I need to talk to you. It's really important."

"You want me to come over? I'd invite you here but, you know…"

"How about we meet on the bridge going over Slate Creek? I don't want to stay here any more…I'm sick of my house. I hate it here."

"It's raining." He pointed out.

"That's okay. There's nothing wrong with a little rain. I really like weather like this."

"Okay…I'll see you in a little bit."

"Right."

Hanging up the phone, she wandered back into her room to get dressed. Breakfast had been consumed in her bathrobe. She rummaged through her clothes, trying to find something suitable to wear.

In the end, she put on a pair of jeans that had rows of little snaps running up the leg to the knee and a gray shirt with the kanji for "hope" on the front of it. Silver hoops in all her holes, a fairy necklace and her watch completed the outfit.

Not bothering with shoes, she grabbed her house key and ran out the door barefoot. The bridge wasn't very far from her house and she knew Kamatari would drive the purple beetle there. He'd park at the end and meet her in the middle. 

Or at least this is what she hoped would happen. She had a romantic vision of him running to her, taking her in his arms and telling her he loved her before she even had a chance to say anything.

She looked at her watch. _Where is he? _She was nervous, her heart pounding in her chest. _If I tell him everything and he laughs or turns me away, I will just die…_

Headlights through the rain…Kerri could hear the sound of tires on the wet blacktop. She looked up, her wet hair drooping in her eyes. There was the purple bug, parked on the side of the road, and there was Kamatari, sauntering towards her.

__

He looks worried…She was suddenly overwhelmed simply by his presence. A flood of emotions washed over her; nervousness, compassion, love, and also a little fear…

"Kerri!" He ran across the bridge, splashing through puddles as he went. _Something's happened to her. She wouldn't do this if she weren't upset. The way she was on the phone…I could tell…_

"Kamatari…" Her dark eyes were wide and frightened; her expression sent chills up his spine. She looked lost. "I'm just…I'm trying to figure everything out. I don't know what to do any more."

"Oh, Kerri…It's okay." He caught her in his arms, hugging her warmly. 

__

It's not okay… "Kamatari," She pushed him away slightly, "Last night, Katsu called me." She stared over the railing, her eyes focused on the muddy water bellow. "He asked me to go with him to the concert in August." 

There was a long, uncomfortable silence. Kamatari was dying. Had she said yes? Was she going to…? _I thought she gave up on him…_

Why doesn't he say anything? Doesn't he care? Finally she looked back up at him. "I said yes, Kamatari."

__

My heart…He forced a smile. "That's great, Sweetie. I'm happy for you." Inside, he was reeling from the bow she had just dealt. How come it hurt so much? It shouldn't have bothered him.

"You're happy for me?" She looked at him curiously.

For a moment, he could do nothing but stare. She looked so desperate, as if she were trapped in a corner with no way out. Her lower lip trembled and her eyelashes were wet with…He couldn't tell if it was rain or tears. What did she want him to say? "Shouldn't I be?"

__

That's what I thought… She turned away, her head bowed., leaning over the railing to gaze into the river churning bellow. "Kamatari…I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't want to make you do that. And I got a call from Sojiro…Every one knows about it already. They think we're lesbians."

What was she apologizing for? "Does that bother you, Kerri?" 

She ran one finger along the rail, pushing the water droplets away and watching them run over the curve. "No." She said miserably, "It doesn't bother me at all. I really…" How to continue? She stopped, unsure of what to say.

Kamatari waited. If she wasn't bothered by that, perhaps there was a glimmer of hope. He could be patient with her. He could wait forever for her. She was the first person he felt this way about in a long time…

"You took me somewhere new…" She looked back over her shoulder at him. He was drenched, his hair falling into his eyes, and he looked wonderful to her. She licked her lips. To kiss him in the rain would be outstanding… "Take me by the hand…Please…I just want to be with you…I don't even know where I am, but…I want to be with you…Forever…" Her eyes welled with tears.

"Sweetie…I…" What to say? Did she mean what he thought she meant? Did it matter any more? "Sweetie…Nothing's going right, is it? Everything is a mess and you don't want to be alone." He offered her his hand, his shoulder to cry on, and she rushed into his embrace.

"Why is it so confusing? Why? Maybe I'm just going crazy…" She sobbed, "I thought I wanted to go with him. I thought I loved him. But I'm so confused now."

"Don't cry." He lifted her chin so that she was looking at him, "And don't feel bad about yesterday. You didn't make me do anything." He wiped her tears away with his thumb, "I wanted to kiss you." _And I still do…_

"You…You wanted to kiss me?" Her eyes widened and she stared up at him, "Why?"

"Because you mean so much to me." _I could kiss you again right now…And I could hold you for a million years. _"No one has ever been so kind to me. No one has ever treated me as you do, Sweetie. I thought I loved Shishio…I thought I wanted to do everything for him. But for you, I would do anything and beyond."

"Kamatari…" Her voice caught in her throat and her heart felt as if it would burst. 

"Can I be selfish this time? Can I kiss you again?" His soft fingers were cold as he touched her cheek, brushing back a wet lock of her hair. 

She nodded wordlessly. He leaned in closer to her, his forehead resting against hers. His wet hair tickled her forehead and his hands caressed her cheeks. As his mouth closed over hers, he could feel her chin trembling_. She's crying…She's miserable…I want to take her away from all of this…_

Why is he doing this? Tears sprang to her eyes as his lips met hers. She involuntarily wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly as if she never wanted to let go. _What could he possibly see in me? I love him. I want him to love me back. But why would he…?_

"What are you two doing?"

Inu Yasha's disgusted voice startled them back to reality. They drew abruptly away from one another, both of their faces flushing red. Inu Yasha was apparently out jogging; his hair was matted to his forehead and he was soaking wet. He wore only a pair of wind pants and running shoes and rain ran in rivers down the natural contours of his muscles.

"What do you care, you homophobe?" Kerri quickly recovered first and glared at him, "Just keep running. It's none of your business."

"It's nasty, that's what it is." He sneered, brushing back his dark hair (AN: he's human, don't forget!). "That fag's just taking advantage of you."

Kamatari looked both hurt and startled by this comment, but Kerri was livid. "You've taken it too far, you asshole!" She rushed forward and slapped him hard across the face.

For a moment, he looked startled. Then he lost his temper. "What was that for, you little bitch?" He growled savagely, raising one hand to his cheek. It stung where the rain pattered onto it and only served to anger him more.

"Don't you ever call him anything like that again, do you hear me?!" Kerri was struggling to hit him again, but Kamatari caught her by the wrist, pulling her back into his arms. The wind whipped her damp hair across her face and she was once again in tears. "He didn't do anything to you! You have no rights-"

"Sweetie, don't do this." Kamatari hugged her, "You'll only hurt yourself by doing this. Come on, let's get you home."

She nodded wearily and allowed herself to be led to the purple Volkswagen at the edge of the bridge. She wanted to leave it all behind. _Nothing matters any more…Nothing but being with him…_


End file.
